


Stay

by knightsofbritney



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Fusion, Angst, Ben & Rey AU, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Force Bond (Star Wars), M/M, Past regret, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, angsty feels, past trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2019-09-18 10:11:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 32,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16993044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightsofbritney/pseuds/knightsofbritney
Summary: It's not often that Ben leaves his house anymore since his mother died, but Finn has convinced him to make an appearance at a friend's bonfire beach party. Once he's there, something draws him to a woman he's never seen before; one that's going to make a remarkable and everlasting impression on him. Meeting her sets off a chain of events that turns his life upside down.





	1. The Edge of the Water

 

The sun prepared to set on the coast of the sea in a small Florida town that no one knew about. It was particularly crisp and chilly this December evening; out of character from the normally warm and humid climate that everyone had grown accustomed to. It seemed that the night would turn into the perfect setting for a last minute bonfire on the sands of a small and hidden beach.

 

******

 

“Come on, you have to come with us.”

 

A hesitant smile crossed Ben’s face. Unable to look his friend in the eyes, he shook his head. “I don’t think so,” Ben uneasily forced out with a shaky voice. “Not tonight.”

 

Disappointed, Poe continued to push for the answer he wanted. “You need to get out of this house!” Poe eagerly stated, flailing his arms in the air. “You haven’t left this place since the funeral. It’s not healthy!”

 

At that point, Finn grabbed Poe’s arm; dragging it back down to his side. Startled by Finn’s touch, Poe turned around to face him. He was met with a disapproving glare.

 

“I think what he’s trying to say, in his horribly crude way–” Finn shot a scathing look towards Poe; his forehead creased, “ – is that you need to be around people...around friends,” Finn explained. “It’s nice out, for once. Some fresh air might help clear out your mind.”

 

Finn’s smile was warm and welcoming; Ben had loved that about him. It seemed he’d always known what to say, exactly when it needed to be said.

 

Poe’s cheeks phased into a light pink; pulling at the cuff of his jacket with embarrassment. “He said that a lot better than I did. Sorry, man.”

 

“You’ve never been good with a soft approach,” Ben placed his hand on Poe’s shoulder and smirked. “We know you’re not good with communication.”

 

“Hey, now,” Poe shrugged his friends grip off with an eyebrow raise. “Let’s not go there.”

 

They hadn’t noticed that Finn had left to another room until he returned with Ben’s jacket in hand. He raised the coat as he tilted his head. “Come out for a little? We’ll leave as soon as you’re ready.”

 

“Only for you, not for that guy.” Ben joked, motioning in Poe’s direction.

 

With a sarcastic laugh, Poe swung his arm around Ben’s shoulder and squeezed. “There’s my guy!”

 

******

 

Ben took a seat on the top step of a sandy staircase that led down to the beach – his breath had been completely stolen by the approaching sunset. The sky held onto a orangish red tint; the water a brilliant mirror reflection. The sun offered it’s colors to the ocean's waves, turning them different variants of crimson reds.

 

“See, what did I tell ya? This is gonna be good for you.” Finn noticed his remark lacked a response. Looking back at his friend, it seemed like his statement hadn’t even made it to Ben’s ears. “What are you doing? Aren’t you coming?”

 

“You go ahead,” Ben responded as he lifted his head; attempting to capture all aspects of the beautiful sky above. “I’ll be down in a bit.”

 

With a dismissive wave, Finn shrugged. "We'll be down there with everyone whenever you're done."

 

A breeze rustled through Ben’s hair, sending a sharp shiver down his spine.

_It’s never this cold, how weird._

 

He looked down on the party below – he could hear the echoing voices and laughter from everyone’s greetings to each other. A few people had worked together to start a small fire; hands gathered around, letting the flames warm their fingertips.

 

As his vision weaved through the party goer’s, a single silhouette caught his eye. The outline of a woman stood against the dark blush of the sea. She was alone, wrapped in her own embrace, staring out into the unknown.

_Who...is that?_

 

Ben couldn’t pull his gaze from her, but he found that he didn’t necessarily want to. Magic seemed to encapsulate her, and her aura took hold of his interest. His brows furrowed with a squint, attempting to get a better look at the unfamiliar woman.

 

As if on cue, her head twisted around; her face still hidden in shadows. It appeared that she had felt his eyes studying her.

 

Ben’s stomach churned with anxiety. Interaction with other people had never been something he excelled at, nor had it ever appealed to him.

_Shit, did she see me staring?_

 

At that point, she’d pivoted herself to face him. Her body stretched as she raised to her tiptoes. She held a hand up high in greeting; seemingly waving Ben over towards her.

 

Uncertainty pulsed throughout Ben’s body and his breaths quickened. Quickly, he hung his head – staring at his feet that rested on the step below him. Although the evening had been cold, he felt as sweat began to bead on his forehead.

 

_“Hey!”_

The faint yell of a feminine voice had been carried to him through the breeze.

 

_Yup. She definitely saw me. Great._

 

With a deep sigh, Ben hoisted his heavy gaze back towards the woman on the beach. Lifting his arm, he reluctantly waved back.

_I didn’t want to talk to anyone…I didn’t want to talk to anyone._

 

Once again, the girl motioned for him to join her – even more enthusiastically than the prior time.

 

Ben had two options: get into his car and drive away, or join her on the water’s edge.

 

As he turned around to walk back up the remaining stairs towards his car, a sharp pull in his chest stopped him in his tracks. Something inside of him was tugging him back the other way, even though all he’d wanted to do was leave this place without looking back.

 

Robotically, Ben rotated and began walking down the stairs to the party below. It seemed he was no longer in control of his body; as if some unrecognizable force had now taken the wheel.

 

The strangest part? He didn’t question it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Any feedback is appreciated. :)
> 
> Comments or questions?  
> I'm on twitter - @theriseofbensky


	2. The Story

Ben held an unwavering stare forward as he strode through the small, yet still growing, crowd on the beach. His attention had been dead set on his destination; the woman at the water. His mind had wandered so far from his immediate surroundings that he hadn’t heard Finn call out his name.

 

Finn watched from afar as Ben marched onward, seemingly on a mission. He tapped Poe on the shoulder without turning his head. “What’s he doing? Where’s he going?”

 

“There.” Poe quickly lifted his arm and pointed at the lone girl that seemed to be at the end of Ben’s path.

 

With a slight head tilt, Finn’s mouth fell agape. “Well, that’s completely out of character for him. Since when does Ben Solo interact with humans without being forcefully pulled?”

 

“Leave him alone,” Poe shooed away Finn’s comment. “This’ll be good for him.”

 

****

 

“H–Hey,” the tone in Ben’s voice cracked; his greeting completely devoid of backbone.

 

“You were staring at me. Why? I don’t think we’ve met.” Her first statement shot out loaded and overwhelming.

 

Though it hadn’t been mean, it contained all of the power that Ben’s welcome had severely lacked. He'd been thrown off guard, causing him to lose any footing he'd had in starting a conversation.

Ben tousled his hair nervously, quickly realizing he’d forgotten to brush it earlier as his fingers became entangled in his unkempt mane. His brain flipped through a million different things he could say;

 

_-I wasn’t looking at you, I was looking at the water._

_-Our eyes accidentally met._

_-Don’t have such a big head, it was blocking my view._

_-I only looked for a second._

_-You caught my interest and I have no idea why._

 

Yet none of it could eloquently be transmitted from his mouth.

“I...uh, I –”

 

A slight giggle peeked through the woman’s mouth as she watched Ben attempt to come up with a suitable response. Without a second thought, she jutted out her arm – extending an open hand. “I’m Rey. Nice to meet ya.”

 

“Ben.” He touched his palm to hers to shake her hand. He couldn’t help but to notice her smile, and how it fit her face so perfectly;

_Beautiful._

 

“Beautiful, huh?” Rey said, intensely staring into Ben’s eyes.

 

Ben’s stomach twisted into knots; he could suddenly feel his lunch twirling around inside of him.

_Did I say that outloud?!_

“What?” he nervously spit out, internally begging that he hadn’t accidently let his thought slip from between his teeth.

 

Stepping up onto a group of beach rocks, Rey opened her arms wide; motioning towards the vastness of sea before her. “This. It’s beautiful.”

 

A wave of relief washed over Ben. “Mmhm...” he replied with a shake of his head, darting his stare towards the ground. Doing what he could to keep away from Rey’s piercing gaze, Ben studied the grains of wet sand that clung to the sides of his shoes.

 

Rey took notice of his eagerness to stay preoccupied, and it only made her more intrigued. “Not very talkative?”

 

Nervously, he shifted his weight from one leg to the other and stuck his hand in his pockets. “I just don’t have anything interesting to say,” Ben shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “I’m not a very interesting person.”

 

“You look interesting to me.” In one swift motion, Rey hopped off the rocks she’d been standing on.

 

A smirk pinched at the sides of Ben’s cheeks. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

 

“Look at you,” she said, slowly circling around him – hands neatly folded behind her back. “Ridiculously tall, long-ish black hair, and those eyes…” Rey momentarily trailed her sentence off, leaving him with a cliffhanger.

 

Ben moved his eyes to her face, trying to study every detail of her expression – searching for where she was going with this; but all he ended up discovering were the sprinkled freckles strewn across the highpoints of her cheeks.

_My eyes?_

 

And almost as if she were answering his thought as it pierced through his mind –

“Dark, heavy eyes. Deep eyes. Eyes that look like they’ve seen a lot.” She playfully tried to match his gait as she stood in front of him, placing her hands on her hips. “You look like you could be the dreamy, empathetic villain in a movie.”

She fell back on her heels, chuckling at herself. “Just looking at you is interesting.”

 

Without removing his stare from Rey, Ben walked towards the rocks she’d been standing on moments ago. He sat down and stretched his legs out; crossing his ankles at the end. Without realizing, the corners of his mouth had upturned more profoundly – the comment sparked his interest.

_I’ll play along with this._

“If I’m the villain, what does that make you?”

 

“The heroine, of course,” Rey answered, without delay. “Here to help with your lack of self confidence.”

Rey slammed her fist into her hand triumphantly as they laughed together. “Or at least a small side character to help you along the way!”

 

Ben’s laugh began to fade out.

_Hopefully it’s more than just a side character in this story…_

 

“Hey, guys!” Finn’s voice piped in suddenly, pushing them both back into reality.

 

Jolted from his inner thoughts, Ben sat up at attention. He meekly waved towards his friends.

 

Without needing prompting, Finn did introductions. “I’m Finn! This is my boyfriend, Poe.”

Poe ignored Finn’s statement and spoke directly to Ben. “I told him that we should leave you alone and let you do your thing...but, you know him – stubborn.”

Finn lightly slapped Poe's arm; a creased forehead showing his annoyance. “Shh!”

 

Ben crossed his arms on his chest with a soft chortle; the only noise being a small puff of air escaping from his nose. He'd always loved their dynamic. They were so comfortable and funny.

 

Ignoring their banter, Rey perked up. “Sweet cream cold brew and pecan dark roast?!” She called out, practically leaping over to them in an excited state. “I know you guys! I work at BB’s books and brews, over on 8th!”

 

Finn’s eyes shot open with realization. “I thought you looked familiar! I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you before. We’re always there.”

 

A big, welcoming smile took over Rey’s face. “I’m Rey. It’s nice to formally meet you guys.”

 

At that point, Ben’s cheeks had turned a bright shade of pink. He'd been so engulfed in his previous conversation with Rey, he’d forgotten how nervous he actually was. Finn’s arrival had reminded him of the butterflies that had taken over his belly.

_It’s time to leave._

“I’ll let you guys catch up, I’m gonna head out –”

 

“No!” Rey reached for Ben’s arm, lightly grabbing his wrist. “Stay!”

Realizing how strong her order had been barked out, she backed up a few steps. “I mean...please, stay? At Least ‘til the sun completely sets. That’s the best part!” She beamed a huge, toothy grin – a tactic to hide her blushed cheeks.

 

“Yeah, stay, ” Finn added to Rey’s sentiment. “We were just being nosey. In all honesty –” he looked over towards Poe before finishing his sentence. “– I wanted to check on you and make sure you were okay.”

 

Unable to stifle her laughter, Rey let out the tiniest snort. “Yeah, he may need saving. He’s probably been waiting for an out!”

 

Finn flashed an apologetic grin towards Rey. “No, that’s not what I meant at all! It’s that –”; Ben suddenly raised a hand and cut him off, stopping Finn from saying anything else.

“It’s fine, Finn. Don’t worry about it. I’ll stay.”

 

Catching the hint that had been so eagerly thrown at him, Finn gave a slight nod. “Alright, then. We’re gonna head back to the party. We’ll catch up with you guys later?”

 

“Of course!” Rey announced.

 

Normally, Ben would have welcomed an excuse to exit a social interaction. In the past, he’d done everything in his power to get out of situations like this. Not this moment, though. This moment was different. He wanted to get lost in this moment again like he’d been minutes ago before Finn and Poe’s arrival.

Ben wanted to return to the story of the villain and the heroine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Any feedback is appreciated. :)
> 
> Comments or questions?  
> I'm on twitter - @theriseofbensky


	3. After the Sunset

“So, how'd you find out about this?”

 

Rey gave a half suppressed laugh. “This?”

 

“The get together, I mean. Party, if you will?” Leaning back on his arms, Ben had been doing his best to hold together his composure; to look natural and confident. In truth, he was doing everything in his power to make sure that his shaking hands remained unnoticed.

 

On the contrary, Rey couldn’t have been more relaxed. She seemed almost too comfortable. Ben’s nervousness was ridiculously obvious, but she thought that it was endearing.

Pulling her knees up to her chest, Rey hugged her legs. “My roommate, Rose."

 

Squirming at the closeness between him and Rey, Ben gulped hard. “Rose? Rose Tico?”

 

“Yeah! You know her?” Surprise drenched Rey’s words. She had no idea that Rose had known Ben. She’d never mentioned him before.

 _Odd_ , she thought to herself.  _Seems weird that she'd forget to mention such a cute guy._

 

“Work friend.”

 

In disbelief, Rey couldn’t help but to turn her body in Ben’s direction and take hold of his arm. “You work for the magazine, too?!”

 

Ben felt the hairs on his arms and legs raise due to her touch; his stare was set on her hand grabbing onto his forearm. “Lead graphic designer,” he muttered with a nod.

 

“Lead? What does that mean?” Noticing his uneasiness at her touch, she released him.

 

With a chuckle, Ben explained the only way he knew how. “It means that I’m supposed to make sure they don’t fuck up.”

 

“Ah, the boss man type. I wouldn’t have guessed that you’d have a job like that,” Rey joked. “You can barely hold eye contact with me. How can you command an army of designers and editors?”

 

“I never said I was good at it. They must've been desperate or something.”

 

As she dissolved into laughter, Rey lost her wording. She stared up at Ben; smile stretched ear to ear. She could feel the impending thought before it crossed her mind.

_He’s adorable._

 

Feeling her intent look, Ben quickly changed the subject. “The sun’s almost completely set.”

 

“Shit. That sucks.” Rey impulsively stated, gently kicking small pebbles that had been near her foot; visibly agitated. 

 

“Sucks? I thought you said that’s the best part?”

_She’d been all about the sunset. What happened?_

 

Shifting her weight onto her arms, she rested her palms behind her and leaned back; turning her face up towards the deep purple sky. “I changed my mind. Talking to you has been much better.” Her smirk was smugly placed on her face; she knew her comment would catch him off guard, but she’d found that she already loved keeping him on his toes.

 

A muscle in Ben’s jaw twitched as her remark met his ears. This had been so far out of his comfort zone, he’d had no clue how to react. He couldn’t remember the last time a girl had acted like this – actually, he could, but he preferred not to. It’s not that he didn’t enjoy Rey’s attention; her teasing excited him more than he’d like to admit. But Ben’s disconnect from the world had made it difficult for him to interact with people – and he preferred it stayed that way.

 

Ben lifted to his feet with a small grunt. “I–uh, I think it’s time I head out. It was really nice meeting you, Rey.”

 

Rey went poker faced while she tugged at her earlobe. “Oh...alright. Yeah, it was great to meet you. Stop by BB’s sometime!” She forced out, semi enthusiastically. She’d been doing her best not to show her disappointment at the fact that not only was he leaving, but he didn’t ask for her number.

 

With a pivot, Ben waved a simple goodbye and turned to walk back towards the steps he’d originated from. As soon as his back was turned towards Rey, his mind began to race with doubts that refused to ease up.

_What am I doing? Why am I so eager to leave? She’s nice. She’s beautiful. What am I doing? Why am I like this? I was so fucking rude._

 

“Actually–” Ben stopped, slightly turned his head to the side, and gestured towards his car with his thumb. “Do you need a ride home or something? I uh, I don’t mind. You said you lived off Kings Highway, right? I live over that way too, and I really don’t mind. I can just drop you off on my way. Or if you came with someone, that’s okay. You can leave with them. I just wanted to offer–”

Previously, Ben couldn’t find the words to say. Now, he couldn’t shut up. His words felt like projectile vomit leaving his mouth in a jumbled mess and he couldn’t get them to stop.

 

Rey’s whole face lit up as she pushed a small stray hair behind her ear. “That’d be great! Let me tell Rose and we can be on our way. It’ll only take a sec.” She stuck her hand out towards Ben; silently asking for his help to bring her to her feet.

 

Once she was upright, Rey darted off towards the large crowd that had accumulated on the beach. Ben noted how the gathering had significantly grown since the last time he looked over there. The amount of people that he saw sent him spiraling into panic mode.

_I prefer when I didn't realize that there was a horde of people._

 

Glancing behind her, Rey noticed that Ben hadn’t followed her. “Come on! I promise, only a second.”

 

_This girl...she’s trying to kill me._

Drawing in a long, deep breath, he exhaled harshly. “Alright, I’m coming.”

 

As if Rey could somehow sense his anxiety, she skipped back towards him. Taken back by how close she’d gotten, Ben instinctively shifted a bit – slightly pulling away from her. Without words, she stuck out a hand; an offer for him to hold it. She gleaned up at him; strands of her chestnut colored hair flowing in the breeze. For the first time, Ben really examined her eyes: gold with a green outer ring, speckled with different shades of hazel. All he could think about was how she seemed to hold the galaxy in her irises.

_The type of eyes people write stories about._

 

Almost instantly, his apprehensiveness faded. His immediate world now only included him and Rey. The corner of his mouth turned up, and he snatched her hand without hesitation.

 

With that, Rey whirled around and pranced towards the gathering. Hand in hand, Ben followed. All he’d been focusing on was his palm pressed against hers; their fingers loosely entwined.

 

“Hey, Rose!” Rey excitedly babbled. “I wanted to let you know I have another ride home.”

 

“Oh you do, do you?” Rose teased softly. “And with who, may I ask, has the honor–”

 

As Rose laid her eyes on her coworker, she rapidly moved her sight on Rey, and then back to Ben; moving between the two in pattern.

 

“Oh! Ben...Ben? I mean, Mr. Solo.” Straightening her back to seem more professional, she stuck her hand out to shake his. Rose’s eyes traveled from Ben’s face down to his arm, to where his hand ended; grasped inside of Rey’s. Her arm slowly dropped to her side; her jaw fell in unison.

 

“You never told me about Ben. Why were you hiding him?” Rey quipped, ignoring her roomates reaction to her new friend.

 

At a loss for words, Rose gave a half shrug. She huffed lightly as she searched for the right words to say. 

 

“She’s new on my team. Don’t give her such a hard time.” Ben winked at Rose, instantly causing her cheeks to bloom with scarlet.

 

Shaking her head vigorously, as if her face was an etch-a-sketch, Rose managed to figure out a response. “Yeah, see; new. I wasn’t trying to hide treasure from you. **_Anyways..._ **”

 

“Yeah, anyways,” Rey cut her off with a light shoulder nudge. “Ben’s gonna take me home and we’re leaving now. So.”

 

“So, have a good night,” Rose interjected, throwing a hand on her hip. “I’ll be fine. Everyone from work is here. You aren’t my only source of entertainment, girl.”

 

After a quick hug and a couple playful goodbyes, Rey waved back to her friend.

 

“See ya, Rey...Mr. Solo.” Unsure of how to bid her coworker bye, all she could muster up was a quick nod.

 

“His name’s Ben, Ms. Tico!” Rey cackled. “Relax!”

 

With that, they began to walk towards the parking lot at the beach. At that point, the sun had been set for quite some time; the squawking of seagulls had somehow changed to crickets singing without either of them realizing.

 

As they reached the bottom of the stairs, Ben realized they were still holding hands even though they’d been out of the crowd for a few minutes. Ben swiftly untangled his fingers from hers and lifted his arm in the air to point towards his car. “That’s it, right over there.”

 

 *****

 

“This is nice,” Rey said as she climbed into the passenger seat – a feeble attempt at getting Ben to talk again. “A Lexus?”

 

“Mmhm,” Ben uttered through locked lips. His full attention had been on starting his car and inputting her address into the gps; anything to cover up his shyness.

Without realizing, the bluetooth from his phone connected with his car. His playlist automatically began to play; the volume still loud from his previous drive.

 

**SONG: Oceans**

**ARTIST: Seafret**

 

Ben felt the electricity fling through his body as he hurriedly raced to turn off the screen on his dashboard. His heart felt like it was going to pound straight out of his chest from embarrassment.

 

“It’s a great song,” Rey pushed her hand to his, urging him to keep the music playing. “I don’t mind.”

 

“Alright,” was all that Ben softly mumbled as he brought his right hand back to the steering wheel.

 

The drive continued without chatter; only the soft sound of an acoustic guitar echoing through the speakers was heard. Rey didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, so she quietly hummed along to the melody instead of attempting more conversation. She’d been thankful that she was able to get a few more minutes with him, even if it was wordless.

 

As Ben approached the destination, he slowed his car to a stop. “This it?"

 

“Uh-huh,” Rey answered, gathering her purse up into her arms. “Thanks again.” She left a moment of pause before exiting his car, giving plenty of opportunity for him to ask for her number.

_Just incase._

 

He didn’t.

 

“Well, I hope to see you at BB’s soon. I work all the time…” Rey requested in a send off as she treaded towards her front door.

 

“You will!” Ben yelled after her with a half smile. “I’ll definitely be there sometime soon. I’ll look for you.”

 

Prepared to leave, he shifted into drive – but hesitation stopped him. Something was keeping his foot pressed firmly on the brake. He slowly pulled the gearshift back to park.

_I’ll stay just long enough to make sure she gets inside okay._

 

Pushing her key into the door, Rey still felt a gaze glued to her; almost like a sixth sense had alerted her to it. She realized that the quiet groan of Ben’s car could be heard; he was still parked in front of her house.

 

“Everything alright?” She called back to him; his window had been rolled down and he was staring in her direction.

 

“Yeah,” Ben affirmatively responded. “Just making sure you get in okay.”

 

Unable to hold back a smile, Rey’s dimples pierced her cheeks; her eyebrows raised in curiosity – the quickest moment of contemplation was followed by a simple resolve.

 

“Do you wanna come in?”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Any feedback is appreciated. :)
> 
> Comments or questions?  
> I'm on twitter - @theriseofbensky


	4. Lost in Time

Ben inhaled deeply as he sat inside of his car for a moment before opening his door – making every effort to gather his nerves into a presentable bundle.

_It’s alright. We’re just gonna hang out, that’s it. This isn’t a big deal._

With one final breath in, he heaved himself out of his car. Pep talking himself with every step he took, Ben walked through the gate and onto the pathway to get to Rey’s front door. She stood there with a smile still pulling at her cheeks.

 

“I’m so excited that we get to hang out for a little longer!” Rey declared, unlocking her front door.

 

While making his way through the entrance, the first thing Ben noticed was the aroma; a mixture of vanilla and coffee. He stuck his nose in the air and took a few exaggerated sniffs. “Smells good.”

 

“The coffee smell, I’m assuming? Everyone always says that,” Rey tittered, clumsily fussing with the “ON” switch of a lamp. “I don’t even notice it anymore. It clings on me from work, I guess.”

 

Ben halted in the entryway as Rey ambled into the living room; losing a shoe and sock along the way. “You can sit, ya know,” she said, gesturing with an arm towards the living room couch – still fighting with her other shoe in an attempt to free her foot. During those few seconds, Rey lost her balance and began to topple over.

 

“Be careful!” Ben yelled, leaping over to her. He managed to grab hold of her arm and waist before she hit the ground.

 

Bursting in a roar of laughter, Rey started pointing at all of her bruises. “I’m a clumsy one. Look at these battle marks!” she scoffed loudly.

 

The couch was comfortable; worn in and warm. Ben leaned back into the cushions when he sat down, resting his head on the top of the pillows as he turned his gaze up towards the ceiling with a sigh.

 

“Do you mind if I get into something more comfortable?” Rey called out while walking into a room down the hall; more of an announcement rather than an actual question.

 

The statement made Ben’s blood feel as if it stopped pumping through his body – he could no longer feel the beating of his heart; cold sweat formed at his temples.

_Oh god, oh god. Is she really doing this?_

“N–no,” he forced out in a stutter. “Not at all.”

 

After a minute or so, Rey pranced out from the room. With a side eye, Ben peeked over the corner of the couch to stealthily glance at her. He whistled with relief, realizing that she was wearing sweatpants and an old, loose tank top – and that she was also completely ignorant to the fact that she’d almost killed him.

_Actual comfortable clothes. Jesus Christ, I thought I was going to have a heart attack._

 

Instead of joining him back into the living room, she detoured into the kitchen behind him. “Want something to drink? Coffee?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Though her house basically had an open floor plan, there’d still been a few walls that blocked his vision into each section of the home. He was only able to catch a glimpse of her every so often through an opening above the bar counter.

 

While he waited, he examined the area around him. The living room was surrounded by shelves neatly littered with books and nic-nacs. Their house had a tranquil feel and was neatly kept, aside from the random shoes and jackets that had been laid about – not messy, just obviously lived in.

 

“What are you doing for the holidays?” Rey questioned, genuinely curious. “Hopefully something good with your family.”

 

Running a hand through his hair, Ben squeezed his eyes shut and spoke tonelessly. “Nothing, actually. No family. Just staying home, I suppose.”

 

“No family? What happened to your parents?” her voice rang out from the kitchen; Ben could hear cabinets opening and closing as she grabbed mugs and ingredients to make their drinks.

 

Unaffected by her query, Ben replied flatly. “Dead.”

 

Rey poked her head out around the wall. “I’m really sorry to hear that,” her forehead creased with worry as she studied his body language; searching for any sign of distress. “Were you close?”

 

Ben hesitated for a split second before answering.

_Not as close as we should have been._

“Sorta, what about you? Are you seeing your parents for –”

 

“Dead,” Rey responded instantly; before Ben even had the chance to completely finish his question. “Well, they might as well be.”

 

Her response had been calm and collected, yet Ben could sense the eruption of pain bubbling beneath her words. Unsure of what to say next, he decided to leave it at that. He didn’t want to pry, and the last thing he wanted to do was make her upset.

 

Paying close attention to her feet, Rey made her way into the living room with their hot coffee in hand. “Anyways,” she declared, carefully handing Ben his coffee as she planted herself next to him. Her trademark smile was still glued to her face. “Maybe we’ll just have to celebrate together, yeah?”

 

With a chuckle, Ben took hold of the cup and tested how hot it was with a small sip. “Thanks. Don’t you ever get sick of coffee?”

 

“No, not really. Besides, I wanted to pump you full of caffeine so you wouldn’t try to leave early.” A playful wink followed her remark as she adjusted her legs into a criss-cross style. She was so tiny, she could easily fit her entire body cozily into the corner of the couch.

 

“That so?” Unaware of his actions, Ben had fallen into flirtatious banter; playing back and forth with her. He was oblivious to the fact that he was becoming more comfortable, and he hadn’t taken notice of the fact that his walls had slowly started to lower.

 

“Yup! Sure is.” Rey raised her eyebrows matter of factly as she brought her mug to her lips.

 

****

 

Small talk and flirting turned into deep conversations about anything and everything; they effortlessly flowed to the next topic they were taken to. Rey had turned on a music playlist, and they seemed to have something in common with every song. It felt as if their lives had lined up perfectly with each others in those hours they spent together.

 

Their coffee mugs had been empty for longer than they could recall as they lost track of time; whirling deep into their own world – an act that was becoming quite normal within their new friendship. Neither of them had been bothered to think about the time until Rose came through the front door.

 

Ben rubbed his eyes and looked down at his watch. “Oh, shit. It’s 3 am. How long have I been here?”

 

Stretching her petite body out, Rey yawned. “Really? Wow, time flew. I didn’t realize it got that late.”

 

“I was wondering whose car that was outside.” Rose proclaimed, locking the door behind her; completely indifferent to that fact that Ben had still been there.

 

Taking note of what Rose was doing, Ben decided that he should probably be leaving. “Sorry about that. Don’t lock the door yet, I’m about to head out.”

 

“No, wait. Stay a little longer. I wanna show you that movie we were talking about earlier.” Pleading with Ben, Rey looked up at him with puffy, tired, puppy eyes. “It’s Saturday. You don’t have to work tomorrow, and I don’t work until the evening shift. Don’t bow out on me now!”

 

Arguing silently with himself, Ben couldn't help but to be won over.

_How can I say no to that face?_

 

“Yeah, it’s fine. I really don’t mind if you hang out. I’m just planning on heading to my room, anyways. Don’t let me wreck your date.” Rose rested her elbows on the back of the couch, clearly more relaxed than she’d been at their previous meeting.

 

“Date? No! No, it’s not like that. Not a date, just –” Stumbling with words, Ben couldn’t make his statement come out correctly.

 

With two thumbs up, Rose teasingly stuck her tongue out at Rey and headed to her room. “‘Night, guys!”

 

Bringing his palm to his forehead, Ben let out an almost silent huff.

_Well, that’s great. My coworker thinks I’m banging her roommate. Perfect._

 

“She was just joking, don’t worry about it.” Trying to reassure him, Rey placed her hand on Ben’s thigh.

 

Once again, Ben’s body tightened up at her soft touch. He’d blushed more in the last 10 hours than he had his whole life.

“So, about that movie...”

 

Taking the hint, Rey hopped up from her seat to grab the remote. “On it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Any feedback is appreciated. :)
> 
> Comments or questions?  
> I'm on twitter - @theriseofbensky


	5. Fallen Pieces

Ben was woken up by the beams of early morning light shining through the curtains that covered the bay windows. A stiff neck followed behind his slow drift into consciousness.

 

“Owww…” He softly mumbled, rubbing the nape of his neck.

_What happened…_

 

The realization of where he was hit him like a bag of bricks. Turning his head down towards his lap in a daze, he discovered Rey’s head laying there; still peacefully asleep.

_What?! I’m still here?!_

 

At that point, his mind turned into something comparable to a tornado. Not wanting to startle her, he did his best to re-adjust and move her head onto a couch pillow instead of his lap.  

 

“I’m sorry...I’m sorry,” Ben pushed out through harsh, panicked whispers. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

 

“Don’t be sorry,” a hushed tone left Rey’s half asleep mouth. “You’re comfy.” She curled up into a ball and nestled back into him.

 

“I should leave. I need to go home.” The words came out harsher than he’d meant for them to. His nerves had overtaken him as an alarm was sounding off in his mind. With labored breathing, his entire body began to shake uncontrollably. Ben became frantic knowing that his oncoming panic attack was inevitable.

 

_Already? She’s seeing this already? I’m pathetic. She’ll never want to see me again after this. Fuck. Fuck._

 

Unable to quiet his mind, Ben shoved his face into his hands; pleading with himself to make it stop. He could feel his heart beating into his throat as it tightened up. Afraid that he couldn’t breathe, he started to take fast, deep breaths; striving to get more air into his lungs.

 

Feeling the sudden change in his vibrations, Rey realized that he’d gone into a panic-stricken frenzy. Rising to a sitting position, she shifted herself so she was only inches away from him. After a second of quick thinking, she grabbed his face with both hands and forced him to look into her eyes. “Shhh, shh. It’s okay,” she whispered, attempting to soothe him. “I’m right here. You’re gonna be alright. Focus on me, okay?”

 

As badly as he wanted to, he couldn’t make his eyes stay focused on hers. His unwavering attention was set on the throbbing of his chest.

 

Immediately noticing that her first attempt hadn't worked, Rey's mind shot off in different directions searching for an answer on how to help him.

_What can I do? What can I do to bring him out of this?_

And as if a lightbulb suddenly flashed in her mind, a remedy made itself aware.

 

_Last night. Oceans._

 

Promptly, she did the only thing she could think of; she sat up on her knees, laid her head on his shoulder, wrapped her arms tightly around him, and quietly sang into his ear. “I want you,” she breathed in a whisper. “And nothing comes close to the way that I need you...”

 

Her thought process had ended with a simple resolution; singing the song from the ride home the previous night. Rey thought that taking his mind off of what was happening inside of him could possibly help. She wanted him to listen to the words and bring his attention somewhere else; back to a seperate memory – back to the night before.

 

“I wish I could feel your skin,” Ben whimpered with a crack in his voice. “And I want you from somewhere within.”

 

Instantly understanding where she’d been directing him, he continued down the path she’d neatly laid out. Ben could feel the slight nod of her head as he mouthed the words; a subtle push to keep going.

 

“It feels like there’s oceans between you and me once again.”

In unison, they recited the lyrics until the words gently carried Ben back down to peace.

 

Rey raised her head from his shoulder; her lips pressed together with worry. “Are you okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset –”

 

“No.” Ben asserted. “That had nothing to do with you. **_I_** should be the one apologizing for that. I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I just did that to you.”

 

Jolting upright with confusion, Rey scrunched her face. “Wait, what? **_You’re_ ** apologizing to **_me_ ** for a panic attack? Ben, you can’t control that. I don’t ever want to hear you apologize for something like that again.”

 

She rose from her seat, still muttering to herself. “Silly. Who would have ever made him feel that way?”

 

After a moment, she returned to the couch with a glass of water for Ben – still visibly upset by his ease at blaming himself for an uncontrollable action.

 

Ben could feel Rey’s stare stuck on him as he downed the water. Shoving his hair back from his face, he slightly turned his head towards her. They held eye contact in silence for what felt like an eternity; Rey had been strategically thinking of the proper way to convey her thought.

 

“I don’t know who has made you feel this way about yourself, Ben. I don’t know what’s happened to you in your life. But, as long as you allow me to be around, I want to help you see how great you are.”

 

The color drained from his face. They’d only known each other for a short amount of time, but she’d somehow gotten a sense of how terrible he felt about himself. It was shocking to him that someone had seen through his facade so easily. He’d spent most of his life with a wall up, afraid to show anyone who he really was out of fear – and everyone had always fallen for the mask he portrayed.

A simple stroke of luck, or maybe even divine intervention, brought this woman into his life; a woman who instantly recognized how unhinged he felt, yet still wanted to give him a chance. She showed interest in helping to gather his fallen pieces. 

 

In quiet amazement, Ben could only utter one declaration:

“Thank you.”

 

With that, Rey regained her signature smile and playfully messed up his hair; a signal that she was moving forward from the situation. “What are your plans for the day? I work at 5, but you’re more than welcome to hang out until then.”

 

“Actually, I really think I should go,” Ben said, fixing his shirt. “I don’t want Rose to wake up and have anymore reason to believe that I’m secretly trying to get with her roommate.”

 

“It can’t stay secret forever.” Rey joked as she stood up; hand extended in an offer to help him up, as well.

 

After Ben had risen to his feet, he realized that they’d still been holding hands. His knee jerk reaction was to let go, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Her delicate hand fit so snug inside of his – like it was made just for his grasp.

 

As they reached the door, Ben turned his head down towards her; his height towering a full foot above hers. Slowly, he brought her hand up to his lips and placed the softest kiss on the back of it; a physical thank you.

 

A flush crept up from Rey’s neck onto her cheeks. After everything, that had been the last thing she’d expected from him. Her brain went completely blank except for one burning question;

 

“Can you just take my number, already?”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special thank you to @RensKnight18 for proofreading this chapter and reminding me that I'm not crazy! <3


	6. Second Thoughts

**_Bzzzt Bzzzt Bzzzt_ **

 

Ben hadn’t even made it a block before his cell phone vibrated on the passenger seat next to him.

 

_-Sorry for already texting but I couldn’t wait any longer :)_

 

Since his phone was connected by bluetooth, Rey’s text message popped up on the screen in the dashboard of his car. Now that he was alone, he didn’t feel the need to stifle his smile any longer. He could feel as his cheeks started to burn from how wide his smile had grown. He was amazed at how simply seeing her name flash across the screen made electric pulse through his body.

 

Luckily, Ben lived relatively close to Rey’s house – about 2 songs worth of distance; approximately 8 minutes away, by his guess. Unable to wait any longer to respond, Ben picked up his phone from the seat; suddenly becoming aware of his glaring smile in his phone’s reflection.

 

_-Just got home. I live pretty close, thankfully. Makes it easier to see you._

 

As he prepared to send his text, he debated on deleting the last part. Ben didn’t want to seem clingy or too eager – he didn’t want to scare her off. But this was different. He didn’t want to limit his excitement over her.

 

 _Fuck it._ Pressing send impulsively, he shoved his phone into his pocket and exited his car. Ben's stomach fluttered with nerves.

 

**_Bzzzt Bzzzt Bzzzt_ **

 

In the short time span of Ben’s walk up his driveway and to his front door, Rey had already messaged back. He hadn’t even had a chance to unlock his door. Feeling his phone’s vibration through his pants, he hurriedly threw his keys onto the front entryway table and tossed his jacket into the laundry room.

 

Practically lunging onto his bed, Ben landed stomach first on his comforter; unbothered to even pull the sheets down as he eagerly snatched his phone from his pocket.

 

_-You got that right! I see plenty of movie nights in our future. If you’re lucky, I might even make you something other than coffee! Soon, hopefully??? ;)_

 

Normally, he cringed at smiley face usage – but with Rey, it felt like the cutest thing he’d ever seen. She was so genuine, and anything that reminded him of her actual, real life smile felt like a prize.

 

Ben’s imagination floated off into their possible future hang out sessions and what they’d entail: movies, food, coffee, talking, laughing.

 

_Hand holding. Kissing. Cuddling._

 

Ben turned over onto his back and spoke out loud to himself. "I'm going to surprise her tonight at work." He didn't attempt to pretend that he didn't want to see her again so soon. 

 

His mind brought forth images of him holding Rey in his arms as they fell asleep together. He imagined watching her eyes flutter while she drifted off to sleep.

 

******

 

Ben woke up to a banging at his door; not realizing he’d fallen asleep until he forced his eyes open.

_Shit...what time is it?_

 

Before having a chance to allow his eyes to lose their newly opened fog effect, the knocks continued. Ben could hear a muffled voice on the other side of his front door.

 

“Coming!” Ben shouted, hobbling out of his room.

 

_“It’s Finn!”_

 

“Hey man, wha –” As soon as Ben opened the door, Finn immediately cut him off.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s skip the small talk! Tell me about it!” Overly animated with excitement, Finn pulled Ben over to the couch by his arm.

 

Raking a hand through his hair, Ben couldn’t hide the far too wide grin he sported on his face. Unfortunately for him, this was all the information Finn needed.

 

“Oh my god, you love her. You are head over fucking heels, dude.”

 

“I didn’t say that.” 

 

“You don’t have to,” Finn clapped his hands together enthusiastically. “I’ve known you for over 15 years. I know that the trademark Ben Solo smile doesn’t show itself for no reason.”

 

Ben had never been able to hide anything from Finn, and most of the time Finn had recognized things in Ben before he’d even had a chance to himself.

 

Not giving him a chance to get a thought in, Finn continued. “Did you stay the night? What happened? Tell me **_everything._ **”

 

“Nothing happened,” Ben quickly disclosed, joining Finn on the couch. “Nothing besides a sore neck from falling asleep on her couch sitting up.”

 

Looking a tad bit disappointed, Finn crossed his arms in front of his chest as he leaned back into the couch cushions. “She’s adorable. I hope you didn’t ruin it.” Finn turned his head to the side with his eyes closed, sticking his nose in the air. “You didn’t... _ya know_?”

 

Knowing that he’d been insinuating sex, Ben brought his hand to his forehead; vigorously shaking his head left to right. “You know me better than that, Finn. No way. Got her number though, and that’s perfectly fine with me. To be fair, she did have to force the question out of me.” He finished his statement with a small laugh.

 

“Such a gentleman you are.” Finn shoved Ben’s shoulder. “When are you gonna see her again?”

 

Ben felt his face pale as he realized he’d forgotten to check the time on the clock. “Shit. That reminds me. I was planning on surprising her tonight at work.”

He lifted his wrist to take a look at his watch.

_9:45._

 

He knew he fell asleep, but he didn't think it had been for **_that_** long. Leaping from the couch, Ben scrambled to his room and began recklessly going through his drawers looking for clean clothes.

“I have to take a shower! She went to work at 5! I don’t want to miss her!”

 

“I’ll let myself out,” Finn yelled back to Ben with a wave; a cunning smirk freshly painted onto his face. "Talk to ya later!"

 

*****

 

Catching himself going 20 over the speed limit, Ben let his foot off the gas. His nerves had returned with a vengeance.

_It’s 10:30. What if she’s not there anymore? What if she doesn’t even want to see me? What am I doing?_

 

Feeling like he hadn’t thought this through all the way, he turned his car onto an empty road. His own self doubt had decided to become a passenger on this car ride.

_I’m stupid. Why didn’t I think this through more? I should have stayed home. **What. Am. I. Doing?**_

 

Interrupting his spiral out of control, Ben’s phone started to ring. He answered without paying attention to who would be on the other end.

 

* * *

 “Hello?”

 

_“You better be on your way to BB’s.”_

 

“Finn? Hey Finn, yeah I’m actually –”

 

_“Let me guess? Freaking out? Well, this is the universe calling and telling you to get your ass to that damn coffee shop.”_

 

“How do you know me so well? I literally just pulled off to the side of the road. I'm having second thoughts about this whole thing. What if she doesn’t want to see me?”

 

_“Ben. She wants to see you.”_

 

“But how do you kn–”

 

_“I know. Just trust me. I know. Thank me later.”_

 

**_Click._ **

* * *

 

 

With that, the call ended – Finn had hung up on him. A small chuckle made its way to Ben’s mouth with a shake of his head.

“Fine, fine. Whatever you say, boss.”

 

He arrived at BB’s Books and Brews within 10 minutes of the call.

_10:43._

 

Not wanting to give his brain a chance to change it's mind again, Ben didn’t hesitate to get out of his car as soon as he parked. He shut his door with a deep breath in and began to make his way towards the coffee shop. The sound of a folk band playing inside of the shop could be heard from the sidewalk as he got closer.

 

It was another cold night in southwest Florida; this weather always took everyone by surprise in the area. The mood in the night air always seemed different when the temperature was lower and it was refreshing.

Ben passed by laughing groups of friends and couples holding hands – everyone smiled as they passed. He watched girls make eye contact and giggle with a flirt when they walked by him. He’d never been good with handling that, and he felt as his face began to heat with embarrassment. 

 

Seeing them made him only want to see Rey even more.

 

Ben drew in a long breath and held it as he gripped onto the door handle to the shop. Exhaling harshly, he walked in. His gaze dodged through people sitting on couches and at tables; he made his way through the crowd in front of the small stage, on the hunt. His eyes had only been set on finding one thing – Rey. He searched for her familiar face but couldn’t seem to find her. He felt his shoulders drop.

“She already left. I missed her.”

 

Rubbing his lips together, Ben sighed with defeat as he turned to exit the building.

 

“Ben! Over here!”

 

The voice that called out to him sounded like it’s own sweet music, outside of the band that had been playing in the background.

 

Pivoting around, he was instantly met with a small woman jumping onto him; arms around his neck, clinging to his body.

 

“I was hoping you’d actually show up! I was starting to get worried.”

He recognized her scent instantly: vanilla and coffee. He felt his face light up with relief.

 

_Rey._


	7. Passing Moments

“Coffee? Beer? I’m not on the clock anymore, but I can grab it.”

The way Rey placed her hand on top of Ben’s forearm as she asked her question made it seem like they’d known each other their whole lives. It was comforting.

 

“Water, actually.” Ben pulled at the collar of his button up flannel, exaggerating his dehydration jokingly.

_It’s like she expected me to show up. Weird._

 

Scrunching her nose with a giggle, Rey winked and turned to fetch their drinks. Ben watched her until she disappeared behind the bar.

 

BB’s was a fascinating place, full of even more fascinating characters. An interesting scent of alcohol mixed with coffee swirled around – surprisingly not an unpleasant smell. The walls were covered with shelves upon shelves of old books; more of an aesthetic than actual reading material, but still there nonetheless.

People were surrounded by their friends; huddled over tables talking, hanging over the backs of chairs to get into the conversation of their peers, and enjoying all of the different types of “brews” offered. The band had their own gig still going on with a handful of their faithful fans up at the front, not missing a beat. Their music added to the ambiance of the rest of the building. The establishment was loud; all of the sounds and voices reverberating off of the walls, but still somehow coming together neatly.

 

Ben had been so lost in taking his surroundings in, he hadn’t realized that Rey returned with their drinks.

“Now take it easy with that water. We don’t want you drinking too much,” Rey joked as she placed his bottle of water in front of him. “No overdoing it, ya hear? We don't want any accidents.”

 

“Absolutely. I’d hate to accidentally piss myself here in front of all these people. That’d be embarrassing for the both of us, huh?”

 

Rey’s mouth opened wide with a thunderous cackle; punctuated by a snort in between her pauses of laughter.

 

“ _What_ was **_THAT_  ** _?_ _”_ Ben teased; his mouth sporting the widest smile it had in a while. “That was probably the cutest thing I’ve heard in my entire life.”

Surprised at how easily his flirtatious comment came out of his mouth, Ben cleared his throat quickly and chugged down half of the water in the bottle; a tactic to hide his bashfulness.

 

“I call it a snortle, thank you very much.” With a “ _matter of factly”_ eyebrow raise, Rey brought a beer bottle to her lips.

 

Ben placed his elbows on the table in front of him and rested his chin on his palms. “So, do you show everyone your snortles or did I happen to get lucky?”

 

“Unfortunately it just happens when I laugh really hard. But, between you and me – “ Copying his body language, Rey mimicked his elbow placement on the tabletop and leaned in, inches away from his face. “You’re my favorite person to snortle for. If you like it that much, maybe we can figure out a way for me to do it even more.”  She reclined back in the chair; a seductive look glowing in her eyes.

 

A cough erupted from Ben as he got choked up on the water he’d been swallowing. “Oh, wow,” he said in between his gasps for air. “Maybe I do need a beer.”

 

Standing up next to him, Rey playfully booped his nose. “I’ll grab one.”

 

Ben felt his heart rate climb. The blood rushing through him felt thick as it reached all parts of his body. He shifted in his seat, adapting to what had shown up in the crotch of his pants.

_Jesus Christ. What have I gotten myself into? She’s so far out of my league. I can’t keep up with that._

 

Once again, it was like Rey had been listening in on the thoughts as they raced through Ben’s mind. She placed a hand on his back sympathetically when she returned. “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I wasn’t thinking...sometimes I speak so impulsively. The last thing I want to do is scare you away,” She ran her hand over his shoulder and down his arm to his hand, which she grabbed immediately, as she sat down across the table from him. “I just got you. I don’t want you to go away.”

 

Her voice was enough to soothe Ben’s frenzied mind. His nerves vanished and it was as if her sudden impulses transferred over to him with her touch. “You couldn’t get me away from you even if you tried.” He spoke abruptly and without doubt.

 

“Good.” Rey’s lips parted, showing her radiant smile.

 

Ben’s mouth twitched into a side smirk while he drank from his beer bottle, holding an unwavering stare with her. “I want to know more about you.”

 

“More about me?” Rey echoed in question. “Like what? I’ll tell you whatever you want.” She pointed to herself with both index fingers. “Open book, right here.”

 

“About everything.” Curiosity had taken the place of all of his previous anxiousness – he suddenly wanted to know everything he could about this woman. He’d never had this much interest in someone, not even previous girlfriends.

 

“25, Pisces, I love chicken wings and sometimes I drool in my sleep.”

 

Snickering, Ben playfully rolled his eyes at her sarcastic response. Bypassing her answer, he pressed forward. “What do you want to do with your life? What do you see in your future?”

 

“Wow, starting with the hard hitting questions.” Taking another swig of her drink, Rey crossed her legs underneath the table. “Not work here, for one.” She raised her arms, gesturing to their surroundings.

 

“And then what?” Ben promptly asked.

 

“Well...” Rey began slowly, showing her first hint of hesitation since he’d known her. “Don’t laugh.”

 

“Never.”

 

“I want to move to New York. I want to be a fashion photographer and take pictures for magazines.” Rubbing her arm self consciously, Rey lowered her head and picked at the chipping paint on the table. “Ridiculous, I know. It’ll never happen.”

 

“A photographer, huh? That’s really interesting.” He admired her ambition. Working as a graphic designer, he’d come into contact with more photographers than he could count. He’d always been impressed with their artistic eye and how they found hidden gems in split-second moments. “That’s a really great goal. I’d assume you to be a model before a photographer, though.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Slightly taking offense, Rey’s mouth snapped shut.

 

Seeing her initial reaction, Ben quickly worked to correct his statement. “Wait, no. I don’t mean in terms of your talent. I can only imagine how amazing you are at it.” Changing his approach, he took a different avenue. “Photographers capture beauty in the world, right?”

 

“Yeah, I suppose you could put it that way.”

 

“I edit pictures all the time. I see the photographers subjects and the images they take of them.” Ben guzzled down the rest of his beer before continuing. “It’s just that, _you_ _are_ the type of beauty that should be captured.”

 

 _“Pfft!_ Yeah, right.” Rey emptied the rest of her beer into her mouth with one chug.

 

Taking his gaze from his own empty bottle, Ben couldn’t believe what had come from her mouth.

_I can’t be hearing this right. She’s been so confident. There’s no way she can’t recognize her own beauty._

“What do you mean ‘ _yeah right’_?"

 

“Yeah right, as in I’m not that great. I’m nothing special. Just another face amongst the millions of others.” Rey seemed to be completely detached from the fact that she lacked confidence in herself. Deflecting from the topic, she turned her bottle upside down and amusingly shook it as proof that it was empty.

 

Refusing to drop the subject, Ben took the empty bottle from her hands. His mind was completely blown into a million pieces. He was unable to process how she was able to speak so negatively about herself with such conviction. It seemed that they both had deep and hidden secrets; each with their own ways of covering them up.

“You’re kidding me?”

 

With a half shrug, Rey shook her head 'no' nonchalantly.

 

Ben grabbed onto Rey’s hand with both of his; his face turned stoic. His demeanor became extremely serious; overwhelmed with the need for her to see herself as he did. He spoke with finality and certainty. “You are the most beautiful being I’ve ever come into contact with, whether you want to believe it or not. I don’t need to know you for an extended amount of time to be able to feel how pure your soul is. ‘Special’ is an understatement when describing you.”

 

Rey’s face softened with awe. She laced her fingers into his. “Very smooth, Mr. Solo. Very smooth. You’re something else, you know that? Now can I ask you something?”

 

“29, Scorpio, I also enjoy chicken wings and I think your drooling would fit nicely alongside my sometimes-too-loud snore.”

 

“Funny.” Rey remarked facetiously. “Another beer and then back to my place?”

 

“I’d love that.”

 

*****

One more beer ended up being followed by multiple cups of coffee. Their small table had been filled with emptied bottles and coffee stained cups. 

 

“I’m ready when you are.” Ben grabbed his wallet and keys from his pocket.

 

Scooting herself away from the table, Rey excused herself. “Yup, let me just go close out our tab.”

 

“Oh, wait. Here,” Ben dug into his wallet and pulled out a couple of 20 dollar bills, handing them to Rey. “How much was it?”

 

“This time’s on me, big guy. You can grab it next time.” Rey pushed the money back into Ben’s hand before twirling around back to the register behind them.

 

Looking around, Ben noticed that the building was mostly cleared. He pulled his sleeve up to take a look at his watch.

**_2:30 AM._ **

_Damn, it’s so easy to lose track of time with her._

 

“Ready?” Rey interlocked her arm within his.

 

They were met with a blast of cold air as the door swung open. Instantaneously, Rey began to shiver. “Holy shit, it’s cold. I can’t believe I forgot my sweater at home.”

 

Remembering that he had a shirt on underneath his flannel, he swiftly took it off and handed it over to Rey. “Well at least let me do this since you wouldn’t let me pay.”

 

“What a gentleman. Thanks!” As Rey placed her arms in the enormous sleeves of his flannel, she simpered. “It’s a little big. Surprising.”

 

“In my professional opinion of flannel wearing, I’ll say…” Ben took a few steps back and brought his hand to his chin, pretending to judge her. “10 out of 10. Adorable. You pass.”

 

Hand in hand, they walked over to where their cars had been parked. Ben’s heart had never felt more full. Everything seemed perfect in his world. Most of his inhibitions melted away the longer he was in her presence and their relationship had fallen into place with great ease. 

 

All night he’d been itching to ask Rey if she’d like to accompany him to his holiday work party the next weekend – he hadn’t been able to work up the courage for that _quite_ yet.

_As soon as we get to her house, I’m asking. I’m not going to let myself put it off any longer._

 

“I’m parked over there.” Rey pointed over to the other side of the parking lot.

 

“I’ll walk you over.”

As they approached her car, his brain was screaming for him to kiss her; his body was urging him to wrap her inside his arms. "Are you sure you're okay to drive?" he questioned instead.

 

Rey hugged Ben's arm tightly; she was completely enchanted by his natural caring nature. “Why are you so nice? I'm fine, promise. Remember how to get to my house?” 

 

“Uh...I think so.” In reality, Ben had memorized every detail of the car ride to her home. He wasn’t sure if he wanted her to know that, though. “Maybe I should follow you, just to be sure?”

 

“Sounds good!” Rey unlocked her car and opened the door. “I’m taking your flannel hostage. I’ll give it back at the house.” With that, she stuck her tongue out at him and slammed the door shut.

 

The moment passed. He missed his opportunity.

_Something else that I’ll do as soon as we get to her house. No more missed chances._

 

Ben realized how cold it was outside once he didn’t have a warm body cozied up to him. He slightly jogged to his car so he could get away from the cold nipping at his uncovered arms. “Florida’s never like this. What’s going on?” Talking to himself, Ben buckled in his seatbelt. Rey’s car had already been pulled up next to his, patiently waiting to lead the way.

 

The alcohol had long been worn off, but thinking back on his time spent with Rey sparked an intense feeling inside of him. Driving in bliss, Ben didn’t reach to turn on music – he was wrapped up in thoughts of how the rest of the night would play out; already yearning to be in her presence again. The drive to her house wasn’t a long one, but it felt like it was taking forever due to his eagerness. All he could think about was grabbing her in an embrace as soon as they arrived.

 

There were only two stop lights that had to be gone through before reaching her house, and he'd already passed through the first. Drawing nearer to the second light, Ben felt his insides tie tightly into knots with anticipation.

 

The thought of sweeping her up and carrying her inside crossed his mind. He imagined kissing her neck as he placed her onto the couch. Maybe she’d slowly pull off his shirt; her lips grazing across his stomach without a set pattern. He gripped onto the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white.

_Only another minute. Almost there._

 

Unable to restrain his happiness any longer, Ben allowed himself to grow an ear to ear grin. His excitement was overflowing.

_I’ve never felt this before._

 

The stoplight flashed from red to green. Focused on the visuals in his head, Ben failed to notice the light had changed color. A car behind him honked their horn, shocking him back to reality. “Oh, shit. Sorry.” He lifted his foot off of the brake and moved it over to the gas pedal. The car slowly lurched forward.

 

Rey’s car had made it across the road by the time Ben passed under the stoplight. When he entered the center of the intersection, a fierce light streamed through his window; seemingly out of nowhere. Squinting his eyes, he turned his head with just enough time to see the front end of a car milliseconds before the brilliant bright light overtook him.

 

His consciousness was quickly engulfed in pitch black – in nothing.

 

**_2:42 AM._ **

 

* * *

 

_He watched as Rey walked down the beach towards where he was sitting on the rocks; half of her hair pulled back in braids, and the other half down and wavy – flowing elegantly in the sea wind. Warmth kissed her cheeks as her sheer white dress glowed with a light orange hue from the sun._

 

_The sight of her was magnificent and more gorgeous than the mixture of colors the setting sun had left behind her in the sky._

 

_“I feel like I’ve waited forever for you. I’ve been so lost.”_

 

_When Rey reached him, she spoke in a hushed tone; her breath kissing his ear ever so delicately. “I’m here now. Rest.”_


	8. Waiting

Startled from her sleep, Rey jerked her head up from the edge of the bed she’d fallen asleep on.

 

“Sorry, girl,” Finn apologetically massaged her back. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m here now, so you can run home and clean up if you want.”

 

“No.” After rubbing her eyes, Rey ran her fingers through her unkempt hair and put it into a sloppy bun. She’d stopped caring what she looked like weeks ago. “No,” she repeated. “I’m fine. I don’t want to leave, he could wake up anytime.”

 

“Oh, honey.” With tears in his eyes, Finn leaned over and squeezed Rey in the tightest hug he could muster up.

 

Rey felt as tears slid down his face and onto her shoulder. Unwilling to let her own eyes well up, she softly patted his arms that were wrapped around her. She had to stay strong – Ben needed her strong. “It’s okay. He’s going to come out of this. I know it.”

 

******** 

 

Three weeks had passed since the accident; Christmas Eve was two days away. Ben had been in a coma since the moment of the car crash. She held faith that he would wake up before Christmas.

 _He has to,_ she’d repeat to herself.

_He just has to. This can’t be it._

 

It was rare that Rey would leave the hospital; she refused to leave Ben’s side. During his stay in ICU directly after the accident, visitors weren’t allowed to stay overnight – but Rey threw a fit, clawing her way back in even after being physically pulled out. Night after night of her finding a way to sneak back to his bedside, the hospital decided to turn a blind eye to her. Once he was moved from critical ICU to a different intensive unit, they let up even more on trying to police her.

 

Rey and Finn managed to somehow talk their way into getting Ben a single bed room. It was a simple room with plain walls and a large window overlooking the pond behind the hospital. The room was decorated with a side table, dimmed lights, a tv on the wall, and a wall loaded with monitors hooked up to Ben.

 

Once it became clear that Ben would be there for an extended and unknown amount of time, the hospital had been nice enough to provide a cot and extra couch so Ben’s visitor’s would have somewhere to sleep if they decided to stay overnight. Rey never used any of them. She either laid in the bed with him or slept in a chair right next to him – she couldn’t stand to put too much distance between the two of them.

 

Finn and Poe would come and try to release her of her self-proclaimed duty of staying with him, but she always declined. They’d plead with her to rest; to go home, shower, and get sleep. The rare times that she gave in to their requests, she’d be back within two hours. She was never gone for more than that.

 _“I can’t stay away,”_ she’d argue. _“I need to be here.”_ And then she’d reclaim her seat next to him, clutching his hand inside hers.

 

After many accident reports and meetings with cops, Ben was found not at fault. Luckily, the car that was behind him saw the entire thing. The driver and passenger watched as another car blew through a red light and smashed directly into Ben’s driver side door – going 58 miles per hour.

 

In the beginning, the doctors had informed Rey that Ben was lucky to be alive. His femur had been completely smashed by the impact of the car that hit him, and the force of the impact caused a traumatic brain injury resulting in bleeding within his brain. Ben's face hit his car door so hard, it managed to slice his face from slightly above his left eye all the way down his cheek.

 

Although they’d told her was lucky to be alive, they never forgot to remind her that his brain damage could be permanent; that he may have a complete loss of basic motor skills and memory – **_if_ ** he ever woke up.

 

Still, Rey never lost hope. She felt so strongly about it, in fact, that she’d grown accustomed to arguing with the doctors when they’d begin negative talk. Shooing them out gracefully, she never accepted their informative “what if’s”.

 

So there she sat, day after day, never doubting that he would wake up. In the same chair, up against the window, she sat – after tidying up the flowers and “get well soon” cards that coworkers and friends had sent him, and tucking him in after the hospital staff changed his bedding or bathed him.

 

Day after day.

 

********

 

“Anytime now.” Rey repeated to Finn, not paying attention to if he was listening or not.

 

Dragging a chair up to the side of the bed next to Rey, Finn put his hand on top of Ben’s leg. He had difficulty looking at his friend laying in the bed motionless; his heart broke a little more each time he did. Hanging his head between his legs, he gripped his hand into a fist and banged on his thigh. “I can’t take looking at him like this, Rey. What if he doesn’t –”

 

“I don’t want to hear it, Finn,” Rey cut him short right away. “He **is** making it out of this. I won’t let it end any other way. Do you understand me?”

 

Somehow, Rey managed to keep her face emotionless as she strongly asserted her statement. She was convincing in her refusal to accept anything else.

 

They sat in silence for hours, switching seats routinely every so often. Finn would get up and walk around the room, and then Rey would follow in his footsteps to stretch her legs.

 

“I’m gonna grab a soda, want anything?” Finn’s back was to Rey as he stood in the doorway, hands on the frame.

 

With a slight smile, Rey leaned over Ben’s bedside. His hair had grown a bit in the three weeks he’d been laid up in the hospital bed. She tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear. “Coffee. Vanilla coffee.”

 

With a nod, Finn headed towards the elevator. “Be back in a few.”

 

Rey continued to rub her hand along Ben’s face soothingly. The gash in his face had started to heal. She ran her fingertips along the newly formed scar; she'd already memorized every new curve of his face. Leaning over a bit more, she pressed her forehead against his cheek and whispered. “Rest as long as you need, sweetheart. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” She lifted her lips to his forehead. “I’m waiting here for you.”

  
  
“I’m assuming you’re Rey?”

 

The voice boomed from behind Rey, causing her to straighten up immediately. “Yeah,” she nervously answered. “And you are…”

 

“Luke. I’m Ben’s uncle,” he replied, sauntering over and placing an arm on Rey’s shoulder without hesitation. “Thanks for calling. I got here as quickly as I could.”

 

“It’s been three weeks,” Rey reprimanded as she slid from underneath his arm, unable to hide the dirty look painted onto her face. “It took you three weeks to get here?”

 

His arm dropped down to his side, but his face didn’t show that he’d taken offense. Luke stroked his beard as he tried to find the right words for an explanation. “It’s complicated. Thing’s between Ben and I aren’t the – “

 

“I don’t care.” Rey’s words spit out like fire; harsh and cutting. “He’s in a coma. Your bullshit excuses don't matter to me. I don’t care what issues you two have had.”

 

A lopsided grin showed up on Luke’s face. He knew that trying to explain their past at that point in time was meaningless. “Feisty. I’m glad he has someone like you here with him.” He lifted a chair and placed it next to where Rey had previously been sitting. “You’re right, though. It doesn't matter.”

Crossing his arms, he hoisted his legs up onto the foot of Ben’s bed and stared hard at his nephew. “I can’t believe this happened. This kid has been through so much…”

 

As Luke trailed off, Rey felt her anger dissipate. Although she was annoyed at Luke’s untimely arrival, she knew that it wasn’t important. He was here – he came. That’s what was important.

 

“I’m sorry,” Rey took a seat next to Luke and squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t mean to be rude. I’m so tired – so worried. I feel like I haven’t been able to let my guard down in weeks. I just want him to wake up. I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t.”  
Throwing her face into her hands, she attempted to stop the words from spilling out of her mouth. She'd been shocked at the ease she had at sharing her emotions with a stranger. Up until that point, she hadn’t shown one ounce of weakness or worry to anyone – and then, out of nowhere, it poured from her like a waterfall.

 

Luke placed a hand on Rey’s back without words, but somehow still communicated his understanding. Silence reentered the room as they both patiently waited for Ben to make his way back.


	9. Awakening

_“What are we supposed to do, Han? We can’t let him continue living like this. It's like he's split himself in half...into two separate people. I don't know him anymore."_

 

 _“He’s out of control, Leia. We need to send him to Luke. He needs help that we can’t give him_ –” _Han paused for a moment, as if he wanted to swallow the words instead of say them out loud. “_ – _help that we don’t have the time or resources to give him.”_

 

_Rubbing her hands together nervously, Leia switched the tears in her eyes out for a stern exterior instead. “We always said Luke would be our last resort for Ben. I guess I can’t argue with the fact that we’ve finally reached the end of what we’re capable of.”_

 

 _Ben listened to the conversation his parents were having in the living room; a soft light cast onto his face through a small crack in the door. His chest tightened as he realized that his parents had officially given up on him. They were preparing to go on without him_ – _they wanted him gone._

 

_“I don’t need them. I don’t need anyone.” Ben punched a hole in the wall impulsively, without caring about the consequences. He figured that they already believed him to be a monster, so what did it matter anyway?_

 

 

 _The scene in front of him slowly started to dissolve, and Ben returned to a blank room full of emptiness. He had no idea what was going on. It was like he was trapped within a revolving door; going through and replaying random memories like they were movies_ – _stuck watching from the outside._

 

_“What is this!?” He cried out, unsure of if anyone could hear him. “Where am I?!”_

 

_The buzz of silence was his only response. He collapsed onto the floor in tears, believing that he’d gone mad. “I want out of here. I don’t want to be here anymore.”_

 

_Suddenly, the fuzzy feel of the silence ringing in his ears morphed into a velvety smooth hum; nibbling at his ears with a tickle._

 

 

 

**_“You’re not alone. Open your eyes and you’ll see.”_ **

 

________________________

 

“Please, just open your eyes. I’m here, you’re not alone.”

 

Another night had passed without Bens awakening. Rey’s tough outer exterior had started to fade – whether it was due to actual loss of hope or pure exhaustion was unclear. She’d resorted to pleading; crying in his ear, begging for him to return to her. Mentally, physically, and emotionally she'd started to crumble.

 

“Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve. I want –” Rey wiped away tears from her eyes. “ – no, I need you here for it. We’re supposed to celebrate together, remember? Don't ditch out on our plans. Please, open your eyes Ben.” Being sure not to tug on his IV that was still placed in his arm, she raised his hand up to her lips and kissed his fingers one by one.

 

Although Ben had been in a deep coma for the last three weeks, Rey had bonded to him in an unexplainable way. She was magnetically pulled to him, and felt as if her life force was directly connected to his. Rey honestly believed that if his light faded, there was a high possibility that hers would as well.

 

“Maybe you should go outside and get some fresh air,” Luke tugged at Rey’s arm; a gentle plea for her to take a break. “You need rest.”

 

“I agree,” Finn pressured, wrapping an arm around her waist.

 

“No!” Arguing back, Rey attempted to pull herself from their grasps. “I’m waiting for him! He can hear me!”

 

“Honey, he can’t. Please, just listen to us. You need to relax.” Trying to get her to listen to him, Finn grabbed her face with his hands and forced her to look into his eyes. “You need to come to terms with what's happened. He might not come back from this.”

 

The words rang in her ears loudly; the echo was deafening.

_He might not come back._

 

Rey’s eyes widened as the assertion melted into her soul. “He might not come back,” she repeated. “He’s not coming back.” As she resonated with the statement, her grip loosened from Ben’s hand. The tie that had been holding her to him felt like it started to fray; it slacked enough for her to slip her wrist out.

 

Just as his hand slipped from hers, a gasp for air escaped from Ben and he sat straight up in the bed; as if he'd been awakened by the loss of contact with Rey. He struggled to catch his breath, doing whatever he could to get oxygen flowing into his body. He felt like he’d been drowning and had finally made his way back to the surface.

 

He fought with any reserved energy he had to get out a single word:

 

“Rey.”

 

The room fell silent; stunned faces surrounded him. Everyone’s jaw had fallen open, not knowing what to say. No one expected him to snap back so easily.

 

Ben searched for the only person on his mind. As his gaze finally locked on her face, his world fell into place.

“Rey,” he said once again, trying to make sense of his surroundings. “Where am I?”

 

Her heavy, tired eyes couldn’t focus. She thought she was in a dream. “Ben?” stammering in disbelief, Rey attempted to catch her balance; afraid she would fall over any second. “In a hospital, but it’s okay. You’re okay.”

 

Flashes of memories sliced through Ben’s mind. He remembered being at BB’s with Rey; he still felt what it’d been like holding her hand in his. He recalled the goosebumps on his arms as the cold air touched his bare arms after he'd given his flannel to Rey. Then, he saw the sudden flash of light. Grabbing his head in pain, he forced his eyes shut – trying to grab at any recollection of what happened. All he could find were the movie-like memories his mind had been scrolling through, and the random words he’d heard from Rey replaying in his head.

 

“You’re here, just like you promised.”

 

Speechless, all Rey could do was answer with a slight nod. She ran over to him, jumping to his side on the bed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed tighter than she ever had before. “You came back,” she whimpered, losing all control of the tears she’d been holding back for weeks. "I thought I lost you."

 

Momentarily, Ben was lost in her embrace; thankful to be out of the place he’d just escaped from. But it didn’t take long for him to catch sight of his uncle standing feet behind where Rey had been a second ago.

 

“What the **fuck** are you doing here?” Lightly pushing Rey to the side, Ben attempted to get out of the bed in a rage. With the sudden jerk of his body, the IV in his arm tugged tightly at his skin. Unable to catch his footing, he immediately fell backwards onto the mattress. He was caught off guard by the cast that his leg was in; he had no idea that he’d been in an accident and gotten a broken leg, let alone been in a coma. The adrenaline rush from waking had worn off and his weakened state became more apparent. 

 

“Well, we know that his memory’s fine,” Luke joked caustically. “Yipee.” Taking a step towards his nephew, Luke raised his hands in surrender. “Look, I –”

 

“I don’t care,” Ben snarled. “Get the fuck out of here.”

 

Worried that Ben could possibly hurt himself, Rey rubbed his arm cautiously. “Ben, please calm down. I called him here.”

 

“What?” His face contorted with a feeling of betrayal, and he pulled away from Rey. 

_Why would she do that? How did she even find out about him? What the fuck is going on?_

 

Moving closer to regain the space Ben had created, Rey raised a hand to his face and pet him. “You’ve been gone for a long time. I know this is a lot to take in right now.”

 

“Gone?” Ben started to spiral into confusion. Dizziness overtook him as he tried to wrap his mind around what he was hearing. He felt his eyes attempting to roll back in his head, and he fought the urge to pass out. “What the hell is going on?”

 

Fearing that his friend would lose consciousness and leave them again, Finn made a split second decision. “I’m going to grab a doctor!” He ran out of the door ferociously, pushing anyone in his way to the side.

 

In an attempt to calm Ben down, Rey rose to her feet and stood directly in front of him. She pulled his head close to her chest and kissed the top of his hair. “None of it matters. All that matters is that you’re here. The details aren’t important right now. Okay?”

 

Her voice drifted into his ears, instantly soothing him. He buried his face into her body, unsure of what to feel. Being so close to her, a familiar smell drifted into his nose;

_Vanilla coffee._

Tears started in the corners of his eyes, but he wasn't entirely sure why; he had no idea what he was feeling, or what he should be feeling. All Ben knew was that he was glad to be in her arms; he was thankful to be home.

 

“Okay.”


	10. Creating Distance

Christmas passed, and the new year melted away soon after. After weeks of testing, along with daily physical therapy, they’d reached the later part of January. Ben had finally recovered enough to be discharged.

 

The doctors had been stunned at how much muscle memory Ben had retained; they couldn’t stop mentioning how miraculous his recovery had been. There were only a few physical issues left as proof of the accident; his broken leg, the scar along his face, and a lingering headache that refused to leave.

 

“The quickest we’ve ever been able to release someone after a coma. It’s unheard of,” Dr. Calrissian explained. “You just have to be on the lookout for the residual headaches, and take care of that leg. It’s going to be in a cast for a while. Follow up with my office in a week, and please don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any concerns.”

 

Rey had taken over the stress of making appointments and speaking to doctors; she felt an inherent need to care for Ben, as if it were second nature. “Yes, of course. I’ll call your office tomorrow to make his appointment.”

 

Before leaving the room, Dr. Calrissian paused in the doorway. “Oh, I almost forgot. I’m ordering a home health nurse to visit Ben a few times a week.” He handed a piece of paper back to Rey. “They’ll come take his vitals, examine his cast, and make sure he’s doing alright overall – normal protocol after an accident of this magnitude.”

 

“I can do that,” Rey stated sternly. “I’ll take care of it.”

 

With a laugh of disbelief, Dr. Calrissian shook his head. “You’ve done a fantastic job of sticking by his side through this and I know you’ll continue to be there for him. But, medically, this is protocol. I won’t release a patient that’s gone through the type of trauma Ben has without a home health nurse, regardless of how well he’s recovered so far.”

 

“But, I –” Rey began to protest before the doctor raised his hand to silence her.

 

“That’s an order, Ms. Knight. You can’t take care of everything.”

 

Dr. Calrissian walked back over to Ben’s bedside once more before leaving and put his hand on his shoulder. “Don’t be surprised if it takes a little bit to get back to feeling normal. Sometimes it takes a while to feel like yourself after being in a coma. Let me know if you notice anything that you feel like you can’t manage.”

 

After leaving Ben with a comforting pat on the back, the doctor exited the room. Ben stared off into space thinking about what the doctor had said. He’d already taken notice of a change inside of himself. There was a disconnect between him and the people around him – one that Ben started to create himself.

 

******

 

Involuntarily, Ben had boarded a roller coaster of emotion – one that stirred up a lot of seemingly forgotten, deep rooted issues; a ride that he wasn’t prepared for.

 

When Rey would talk about what happened, he could physically feel the agony it caused her within his chest wall almost as if they were connected. While he was thankful that Rey had been selfless enough to care for him throughout his healing process, Ben’s guilt weighed heavier than anything; guilt stemming from his realization that he had the capability of hurting her deeply – a power that he never wished to hold over someone.

 

On the other side of that, his uncle’s sudden return to his life reminded Ben of his own hindrance towards getting close with people.  Luke’s presence evoked all of Ben's hidden memories from growing up that he'd spent most of his life burying in an attempt to become a normal, functioning adult. The emotional scars of betrayal left behind by his uncle and his parent's ran deep. Ben was terrified to get hurt like that again – by anyone.

 

The notion that him and Rey both had the ability to cause that kind of heartache for the other was overwhelming to Ben, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to allow their bond to dig deeper than it already had.

 

Rey wasn't blind to the difference in Ben. Since his awakening, she felt like he had rebuilt the wall that had previously started to fall down prior to the accident. It was more than him retreating into his old shell, though. He seemed to be trying to shift into a different person – someone that Rey couldn’t recognize, no matter how hard she tried.

 

At one point, she brought up the unexplainable growth of connection with him during his coma; speaking as if it were magical and there was some type of greater force at play. Regardless of how suddenly it had overtaken her, she welcomed it.

 

He hadn’t seemed as willing to accept it.

 

Ben had responded despondently, refusing eye contact. His voice was low and full of worry.

_“I know. I felt it, too.”_

 

After that specific conversation, Ben had reluctantly reached the conclusion that he needed to distance himself from her. He was unwilling to risk either of them getting hurt. As much as it would feel like torture prying himself away from her warm clasp, he believed it was the best choice for the both of them.

 

******

 

“Thanks for everything, doc,” Luke announced, shaking Dr. Calrissian’s hand as he walked by him outside of the room. “You’ve been great.”

 

“Why are you still here?” Ben called out, annoyed at the fact that his uncle was still positioned outside of his room. “I told you to leave. You’re not needed.”

Luke didn’t enter the room often; Ben had made it extremely clear that Luke wasn’t wanted there.

 

“Whether you want to or not, I want to talk about things before I –”

 

“No.” Ben asserted, acidly. “There’s nothing to say.”

 

Luke continued to argue before being shut down. “I can’t speak for you, but I know that I have a lot to –”

 

“I said no!” Ben’s cup of water plummeted to the ground as he slammed his fist onto the side table. It only took a second for the water to soak the floor, but it felt like slow motion. Ben watched as the glass shattered; an accurate metaphor of his current mental state. He was ashamed of the side of himself that his uncle brought out in him, and he regretted the outburst immediately. Even more so than that, he hated that Rey witnessed it.

 

“Enough!” Rey yelled, throwing her face into her hands. “This is ridiculous! Can we do this later – like at your house?” She shot a rage filled look at Ben – her eyes screaming more than her mouth ever would. No matter how hard she tried to hide it, she had reached a breaking point. The dark circles under her eyes were proof that she was exhausted and out of energy, and their arguing had taken her over the edge.

 

Embarrassed, Ben dropped his head and nodded in agreement. He felt like a child being disciplined for a tantrum. “Fine.”

 

“Thank you, now let me help you get out of bed so we can leave.” Rey reached for his arm to assist him in standing, but he managed to dodge her grasp.

 

“Just hand me the crutches, please. I want to walk.”

 

Inhaling her frustrations sharply through her nose, Rey grabbed the crutches that had been leaning up against the wall. “Fine.”

 

Watching Rey’s cheeks flash red as she did her best to hide her offense at his stale request, Ben’s chest tightened. He could feel himself pushing her away, and the act was tearing him apart. No matter how much he felt that distance was needed, it didn’t take away from the fact that severing their tie would be difficult.

 

Simply put: he was at war with himself.

_Fuck, this is so hard._

 

“Knight?” Ben inquired suddenly with a murmur, trying to recreate peace with Rey.

 

Confused at what exactly he was asking, she cocked her head to the side. “What?”

 

“Knight,” Ben repeated. “I heard the doctor call you ‘Ms. Knight’ earlier. That’s your last name?”

 

“Mmhm,” Rey shook her head up and down with tightened lips and returned to packing up her belongings into her purse.  “Reylene Joelle Knight. That’s my full name.”

 

As Ben hoisted himself to his feet using the crutches, his mouth twisted into a small, almost hidden smile. “Reylene Joelle Knight,” he whispered as he passed infront her. “Fitting. Beautiful.”

 

Rey's face lit up, but she quickly wiped away any hint of elation. Not wanting to get overly excited at his sudden sentiment, she knew it would be best to silently soak up the small part of Ben that had seeped through. 

 

_Maybe he really is still in there somewhere._


	11. Scratching the Surface

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a gentle reminder that this is a slow burn. :)

“I can’t believe this is the first time I’ve been to your house.” Rey unlocked Ben’s front door with the turn of a key.  It was easy to forget that their relationship was still new due to how much had occurred in a short amount of time. She felt giddy; similar to a child in preparation of entering a new and unknown realm.

 

The last time Ben was inside of his house, he departed in a hurry; fuzzy memories of how he left his home rushed to the front of his mind. “Yeah, I’m gonna apologize in advance. It’s probably a mess. I bolted out of here last time because I was so excited to see –” Stopping mid-sentence, Ben cleared his throat and rephrased his statement. “I was trying to get to your work before you left.”

 

As the door swung open gently with a creak, Rey stepped in first – Ben stayed behind, preparing himself for the disaster he had no doubt awaited them. But to his surprise, it was spotless: floors mopped, dishes washed, laundry room cleaned. The blanket he kept on his couch had even been folded; neatly tucked into the cushions.

 

“What the hell?” Ben said under his breath.

 

Rey didn’t waste any time snooping around Ben’s home. On the far wall, there were sliding glass doors. Curtains were pulled across them, but she assumed that the doors led out to a patio. From there, her eyes were drawn to magnificent abstract paintings of swirled reds, blues, and purples that were hung up along the grey walls. She quickly noticed that was all the decor that had been placed.

 _No pictures of family,_ Rey thought to herself. _No pictures of anyone, actually. Odd._

 

In the center of the living room, a black couch with red pillows and a red blanket was placed; a TV hung on the wall directly in front of it. Walking further into the house, she became aware of a hallway that ran beside the kitchen. As she walked closer to the kitchen, she stopped at the opening to the hall. The hallway held two doors; one closed and one slightly cracked open. Trying to peek into the open door from a distance, she managed to see an acoustic guitar laid on top of a chair.  

 

The home seemed unlived in and minimalistic; very bleak and lacking life. The only hint of personality she was able to grab from the surroundings were the paintings and the single acoustic guitar. It almost made her feel sad for Ben.

 

Immediately upon entering the kitchen, her attention was caught by a note that had been written in bright green pen. “Ah-ha!” she exclaimed from the kitchen with a giggle. “Look at this.”

 

Hobbling over on his crutches, Ben made his way to the counter. Rey handed the letter over to him with a smirk.

* * *

 

**_Ben-_ **

 

**_You’re currently a mess so I wanted to clean up this mess that you call your home. You’re lucky to have me, you know that?_ **

 

**_Once again, thank me later._ **

 

**_Love, Finn._ **

 

**_P.S. I hid all your nudey magazines so Rey wouldn’t find them when she brought you home._ **

 

* * *

 

Folding the note in half, Ben tossed it back onto the bar counter. “What an asshole,” he laughed to himself.

 

“Nudey magazines?” Rey playfully asked, snatching up the note and rereading it. “Why am I not surprised?”

 

“Wait, what? I don’t actually have any he was just–”

 

“Whatever you say.” After giving Ben two thumbs up with a wink, she returned her attention to the front door where Luke had still been standing; patiently waiting permission to enter.

 

“Can I come in? Do you mind?” His question had been meant for Ben, but he faced Rey as he asked; cowering from his nephew’s answer.

 

Every fiber in Ben’s being wanted to scream “ **Fuck no** ” – but unwilling to cause another argument with Rey, he apprehensively raised his eyebrows in approval instead. His look conveyed that Luke could come in, but that he wasn’t welcome to stay for an extended amount of time.

 

“Where should I drop this?” Luke motioned towards Rey’s backpack full of clothes and hygiene products that had accumulated from her trips between her home and the hospital.

 

Rey shifted her sight between Ben and Luke. “Well, I figured I’d stay here at least for the night to make sure he was alright…” Trailing off, she couldn’t bring herself to look Ben in the eyes, either; she was afraid of how he’d react – just as Luke had been.

 

“That’s fine, I guess,” Ben responded flatly, doing his best to block out images of Rey wrapped in between his sheets. He could feel his palms sweating as he clenced tightly onto the crutches. “Just put her stuff in my bedroom. I’ll stay on the couch.”

 

“What? No way. I’ll stay on the couch, you need your bed.” Rey contested.

 

Vigorously shaking his head, Ben dryly gruffed. “I’m not letting you sleep on the couch.”

 

Sensing the storm that was brewing within Ben’s living room, Luke walked in between them; arms held out, begging for a truce. “I’ll just leave it on the dining room table for now. You guys can figure out the details later. Problem solved.”

 

Silently, Rey mouthed “ _thank you_ ” to Luke – glad that he could stop an argument before it started. She knew that was the last thing that needed to happen between the two of them.

 

“Luke to the rescue,” Ben sarcastically mocked, staggering down the hall towards his bedroom. “Just what I need. I’m going to lay down.” Annoyance stained every syllable he spoke.

 

Knowing that she should help him heave his casted leg up onto the bed, Rey followed Ben into the room. “Let me help you.”

 

The room was dark and cool; it had an overwhelming cave vibe. She shivered as the fan blew cold air through her hair when she walked in. Approaching the bed, she noticed a laptop along with a couple of stacked books and a picture placed atop a bedside table. The picture was the only one she'd seen; a young child scooped up into his mother and fathers arms. Smiles decorated their faces.

 

Grasping tightly onto his arm, she intended to help guide him onto the bed. Instead, she overestimated her ability to hold his weight up while still keeping her balance. She toppled over just as he began to sit down. She fell face first into his bed; her legs flailing wildly behind her, searching for the ground. The nightstand next to Ben’s bed jiggled side to side as her foot struck it – the picture fell to the ground as a casualty.

 

“Ooof!” Rey let out a groan as she pushed herself up from his bed. Her face felt like it burned with the heat of a thousand suns. Jumping to her feet with embarrassment, Rey reached for the picture that had fallen.

 

As she bent over, Rey noticed Ben trying to hide his laughter; his cheeks were puffed out, withholding noise. Unable to keep quiet any longer, he let out a howl. “Graceful. So graceful.”

 

Instead of getting defensive, Rey began to cackle along with him. “Hey, I warned you. I showed you all my battle wounds the first night we hung out, remember?”

 

A dull silence filled the room; a light buzz rang in both of their ears. Rey sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, unsure of if that was the right thing to say.

_Shit. Shit. I shouldn’t have said that._

 

Ben lowered his head towards the floor; tears unexpectedly rushed to the corners of his eyes. Memories that felt like they were from a thousand years ago took over his immediate thoughts. A specific vision of Rey from that first night forced its way in front of everything else:

 

 

She’d been cozied up in the corner of her couch, comfortable with a cup of coffee in her hand – her feet sprawled out over his lap. Smiling her almost-too-big smile; laughing as she talked about a fond memory. Every word she spoke pulled him in closer; her entire being was mesmerizing.

 

The world outside of those walls didn’t exist in those moments – only him and Rey. That was when he knew he was in deep, regardless of how much he wanted to fight it.

 

He ran a hand through his hair as he exhaled loudly; regret at the realization of how awfully he’d been treating her pulled sharply at his chest. His anger was misguided and he’d been lashing out irrationally. When Luke returned to his life, it had stirred up buried emotions that he’d been avoiding for years – but that had nothing to do with Rey. 

 

Noticing his instant decline in demeanor, Rey took a seat next to him on the bed and placed her hand on his thigh. “I’m sorry, Ben. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

 

“No, I’m sorry.” Her touch sent white hot heat screaming through his limbs. 

 

“You’re sorry? Why are you sorry?”

 

“For how I’ve been acting. Luke –” Ben furrowed his brow as he struggled with finding the right words to say, not wanting to release too much information. “– him being here brought up a lot of old, unresolved issues. Issues with him, issues with myself.”

 

Rey slapped her hands to her face, covering the tears of guilt that dripped from her eyes. She breathed heavily into her palms. All of the emotions she’d been holding in released from her. “I should have never called him here. I caused all of this.”

 

Ben ran his finger down the back of Rey’s hand, begging for her to drop them from her face. “Hey, stop it. You didn’t cause anything. This isn’t your fault.”

 

“But I –”

 

“You tried to help. That’s it. I could never fault you for that. You don’t deserve how I’ve acted.”

 

Softly grabbing her chin, Ben turned her face in his direction. She lowered her hands, revealing her red and puffy eyes from crying.

 

The tip of her nose was pink from how much she’d been crying. Seeing her like that pulled at every heartstring Ben had. 

_Even when she’s crying she’s fucking adorable._

Unable to resist, Ben leaned in and placed a small kiss on the ball of her nose. 

 

His random show of affection made Rey’s stomach tense up. She slowly tilted her head up towards his. Her lips quivered in tension as she kept a small amount of distance between their mouths.

 

Ben held his mouth there, unsure of what to do next. Her soft, mild breaths met his lips; a pleasant warmth traveled through his entire body. He closed his eyes in anticipation of what would happen next.

 

Moving her hand up Ben’s arm and to his neck, she grabbed the back of his head and moved him in closer; they each turned their torsos towards each other like cogs moving into place. As their lips met, they moved in rhythm; their mouths opening and closing in perfect rhyme. Rey slid her tongue into his mouth gently, just enough to play with the tip of his.

 

Letting out a moan, Ben lifted Rey’s shirt the tiniest bit to caress the small of her back. Her skin was soft to the touch – softer than any velvet he’d ever felt. The feel of her flesh underneath his fingertips caused his shaft to harden; the crotch of his pants became tighter as his arousal grew.

 

 

Noticing his erected member, Rey hoisted her body on top of his lap and started rubbing herself against him. Ben moved his lips across her neck and chest as he skimmed his finger up and down her spine.

 

Wanting to turn and lay down flat, Ben scooted backward and did his best to maneuver himself onto the bed without removing Rey from his lap. He attempted to swing his casted leg up onto the bed. Not only was it much heavier than he anticipated, but he was also weaker than he thought. His leg didn’t make it completely onto the bed causing it to slide down and hit the edge of the bed frame. Shrieking in pain, Ben threw his head backward.

“Ow! Fuck!”

 

The whole situation happened so fast, Rey barely had time to understand what took place. She jumped off of Ben and lifted his leg up to the top of the mattress.  “Are you okay?! I’m sorry!  I came in here to help you and I've literally done everything but that!”

 

Ben covered his face and laughed, slightly pulling his cheeks down.

_Of course, that would happen. I have the most beautiful woman grinding on top of my dick and a broken fucking leg is the cockblock. Great._

 

When he removed his hands from his face, he was met with Rey’s horrified look; her eyes wide with terror. 

 

“It’s not your fault that the universe has it out for me. Maybe we should wait until I heal a bit, yeah?”

 

 

******

 

Rey emerged from the room with her eyes tightly shut – an all-too-heavy sigh followed closely behind as the door closed behind her. She could still feel Ben’s perfectly moist lips kissing her. Leaning up against the door, she took a deep breath to try and straighten herself out; her heart still felt like it would break through her ribcage at any time.

 

When she opened her eyes, she saw the back of Luke’s head. He’d been sitting on the couch that whole time. Instantly, her thoughts drifted further away from Ben’s hands on her back and closer to what he’d said about Luke just a short time before.

 

_**“Him being here brought up a lot of old, unresolved issues. Issues with him, issues with myself.”** _

 

Instead of meeting Luke on the couch, Rey walked past him and opened the sliding glass door that led out onto the lanai; a look on her face that urged Luke to follow. “Come with me outside?”

 

With a slight shrug, Luke rose to his feet. “Everything alright?”

 

The patio was a comfortable size: not too small to make the area feel claustrophobic, but not too big to make talking feel impersonal. The backyard was shady and covered in oak trees. It was almost eerily quiet, but the chirping of birds from their homes in the branches broke the silence.

 

There were string lights haphazardly hung up around the inner perimeter of the ceiling. Small vines had wrapped around the lights and hung down; well taken care of smaller house plants had been randomly placed. A black glass top table was in the center of the concrete floor surrounded by four chairs. An old vintage lantern sat in the middle of the table, along with some pens and a very worn in and used notebook.

 

Unlike the inside of Ben’s home, this area felt very lived in and home-like. It was obvious he spent a lot of time out here.

 

They both took their seats adjacent to each other.

“Can I ask you something?” Rey probed, leaning her forearms onto her thighs. “Like, a really serious question.”

 

Making himself at home, Luke lifted his legs up onto the patio table and leaned back in his chair. He already had a strong inkling to what the information she sought was. “Sure, why not.”

 

Rey didn’t waste any time getting straight to the point. She wanted answers, and she wanted them now. “What happened between you two? Why does Ben hate you so much?”

 

Though Luke was still sporting a soft smile, his face dulled. “That’s a big question that I’m not sure I can answer completely, honey.” He grabbed her shoulder and squeezed; a silent apology for not giving the answer he knew she desperately craved.

 

Trying to hide her frustrations, she gripped the arms of the chair she was sitting in. “I don’t understand. He said his parents were dead. Why would he push away the family he has left?”

 

“He has his reasons,” Luke began, staring out through the screened in lanai. “Very good reasons, in his own mind. I can’t say I completely disagree with him.”

 

Rey could feel as Luke filtered through his recollections of what happened between them; she watched as the color in his eyes faded. Whatever it was, it was serious – she was able to make that out just by studying his facial expression.

 

“Doesn’t mean I don’t want to make up for it now. He won’t let me, though. It’s been years...” Attempting to recall the time that had passed, Luke started counting and calculating time with his fingers. “...just about thirteen years since we’ve talked, actually.”

 

“Thirteen years?" Stunned, Rey covered her gaped mouth. “That’s how long it’s been since you guys talked last?”

 

“His feelings aren’t unjustified. I betrayed him, Rey. I did something I swore I never would. I thought I was doing the right thing and it took me a long time to figure out that I was actually in the wrong –” Luke cut himself off, forcing back tears with a sniffle. “Too long, as a matter of fact.”

 

Clutching at her chest, it felt as if Rey’s heart physically grew heavy for Ben. She had only begun to see the sweetest parts of him, and her mind ran wild with what it was that happened that prevented him from revealing the parts of himself she knew he was hiding even deeper.

“Can’t you just tell me your side of it?”

 

“I could explain my side, but it'd only be scratching the surface. It wouldn’t properly convey Ben’s feelings or decision to cut me out of his life, now would it?” Luke surveyed Rey’s bewilderment before adding the last words he would say on the subject.  “My side isn’t as important as his. It’s his story to tell, not mine.”


	12. The Light in the Cavern

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one!
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter touches on depression, anxiety, and OCD.  
> It also touches on loss.
> 
> This chapter is a very personal chapter for me. A lot of my own personal experiences inspired this one.
> 
> Although this entire story is drawn from my own experiences, this one really hits home.
> 
> I just wanted to give a little incite, and maybe a warning...just in case. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy ❤️I hold this close to my heart.

“You should just ask him.” Rose took another bite of the mountainous nachos that sat between her and Rey, licking the cheese from the tips of her fingers between words.

 

Rose and Rey had a weekly tradition of meeting at a small hole in the wall restaurant for drinks and snacks; a tradition that they held close to their hearts. Their work schedules always clashed, but in the 6 years they’d known each other they never missed their girl date night. Every Thursday evening, they would meet up, hang out, and talk – about anything and everything.

 

Rey rested her elbow on the table; her chin nestled into her palm. “Yeah, let me just go for the kill and rip the dirty details of his past trauma from his guts right after he had a life-altering accident. _‘Hey, I know this topic really cuts you to the core, and you almost died a few months ago, but now seems like a good time to bring up your repressed trauma.’_ Seems a bit harsh, no?”

 

Rolling her eyes, Rose shook her head side to side. “I’m not saying _like that_. But, come on. It’s almost the end of March. Things are starting to get back to normal, ya know? You’re both back to work and life’s moving forward.”

 

“Even more of a reason to not bring it up!” Rey eyed the nachos on the table for a moment, debating on digging in. “He’s just starting to feel normal again. Why ruin it?”

 

“How long have you been staying with him, Rey?”

 

“Well, I mean, I go back and forth between our house and his house so...”

 

“How long?” Rose probed once more as she slid the plate of nachos directly under Rey’s nose; bribery for her cooperation. She already knew the answer to her own question, but Rose wanted the point to slap Rey upside her head.

 

Unable to avoid temptation any longer, Rey began shoveling the food into her mouth. Her sputtered words came flying out, along with a few spatters of cheese.

 

“Wow, yeah, I hope you’re eating like that in front of him. I’m sure it’s a _huge_ turn on.” Rose tossed her a napkin with a giggle. “You’ve stayed with him every night for the last month. You’re never gonna be able to have a relationship with this guy if you don’t get to the root of what’s going on. Who knows if you’ll even want one after you find out the details.”

 

“Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?” Rey leered at Rose; her glare practically burning a hole through Rose’s forehead. While it was true that Rey didn’t know the details about Ben’s tempestuous past, the thought never crossed her mind that it would affect how she felt about him. “Why would it change anything?”

 

“I’m just saying that maybe his past is darker than what you’re expecting. Maybe he has too much baggage that you won’t be able to carry.” Noticing her friend’s growth of animosity, Rose changed her approach to something softer. “Don’t get me wrong, the guy seems great. He’s a dream to work with and he’s always been really nice to me. I _want_ things to work out with you two...”

 

Rey could sense that there was a second part to Rose’s statement. “...but?”

 

“ **_Buuuut_ **, I also want you to be prepared for the small chance that things might not line up exactly how you’re hoping. I don’t want you to get hurt, girl. That’s all.” Rose shoved the last bit of nacho’s into her mouth that Rey had so graciously left behind for her. “Who knows, I’m probably just being overprotective.”

 

Leaning her back against the booth behind her, Rey’s mind started to turn over on itself; searching for answers to all of the questions she wanted to know about Ben Solo. Her insides started screeching with worry.

_What if she’s right? What if whatever happened really has damaged him past repair? What if he’ll never be able to get over his trauma?_

 

Being able to clearly see the distress that was smeared all over her best friends face, Rose reached an open hand across the table – pleading for Rey’s hand to hold it in apology.

“I didn’t mean to freak you out, I’m sorry. I really want this to be a good thing...for both of you. You guys deserve it.” Rose’s tone changed as her eyes started sparkling with positivity. ”Maybe you’re gonna be the person to help him heal, Rey. If anyone is good at bringing the light into someone’s life, it’s you. Maybe you’ll bring enough light to balance out what dark it is that he’s holding onto.”

 

As if on cue, Rey’s face brightened – her lips parting into a wide smile. She latched onto Rose’s palm.  “That’s more like that! Whatever it is, I can help. I know it.”

 

******

 

The entire ride home, Rey meticulously mapped out what she planned on saying to Ben. As much as she hated to admit it, Rose brought up a very good point. What if they couldn’t move forward with their relationship as long as Ben held onto whatever it was he’d been grasping at for all of these years? She refused to let his past hinder their future, and she refused to believe she couldn’t help him. Rose was right – Rey needed to find out the truth.

 

Although she recited word after word of carefully thought out questions, once she got to his door she’d lost all the nerve that she’d built up. Her prepared speech had been wiped clean from her mind.

_Well, guess I’m goin’ in unprepared and unscripted. Here goes nothin'._

 

The door was left unlocked – just as it always was, in case Rey decided to show up. They'd never made it official that she was staying there; the fact remained unspoken. But entering his home had become so second nature to Rey, she barely was aware of herself opening the door.

 

As she prepared to announce her arrival, Rey was met by the sounds of an acoustic guitar floating through the air.  “Hello?” she softly said, not wanting to interrupt anything.

 

Ben remained oblivious to the fact that she’d arrived; obviously lost in his own world of music.

“ _Oh god, you haunt me. I’m scared you’ll leave me in the ground._ ”

He hummed along to the gentle strums of his guitar. His voice felt like silk as it reached Rey’s ears. She didn’t recognize the song, but it sounded like the sweetest melody she’d ever heard; the noise gently rocking her to a dream world.

 

“Beautiful.”

 

A sour note immediately followed Rey’s proclamation; Ben’s arm jerked away from his guitar with a startle. “Holy shit, you scared me. I didn’t know anyone was there.”

 

“Maybe you should start locking your door then.” Rey tousled the top of Ben’s hair as she plopped down next to him on the couch.

 

“Why would I lock my door when an intruder like you could pop in at any time? That’d be stupid of me.”

 

Rey crinkled her nose. “Guess you’re right.”

 

With a side smile, Ben returned to plucking chords on his guitar – the tune sounding different than the one he was previously playing. “How’s Rose? How was your date?”

 

“We ate nachos,” Rey announced proudly, throwing her hands to her hips. “A shit ton of nachos.”

 

“Nice. I love the nachos at Niima’s Outpost. You guys were there for longer than normal. Caught up in a good conversation?”

 

“Yeah…” Trailing off, Rey removed her gaze from Ben’s face. She brought her knees up to her chest and plunked her forehead on her kneecaps; a feeble attempt at hiding from the impending conversation.

_How am I ever going to bring this up? Fuck._

 

“What’s wrong?” Leaning his guitar up against the coffee table, Ben tilted forward and positioned his forearms on his thighs. “Everything okay?”

 

“I need to talk to you about something.” Rey nervously played with her earlobe; a habit that Ben had grown accustomed. A habit he found ridiculously endearing.

 

“Okay, let’s hear it.”

 

Completely lost on how to bring up the topic, Rey figured that her best bet was to be straightforward. “What happened with Luke? What happened to you?”

 

“I knew this was coming eventually.” Ben dropped his head with a short, breathy laugh.

 

In preparation for Ben’s reaction to her question, Rey had covered her face. When he responded completely different than what she’d expected, she parted her fingers and peeked at him through the small openings. “You’re not mad I asked?”

 

“Of course not. But I could see how you’d think I would be. Sorry for that.” He looked away, ashamed that she was scared to ask him anything. Memories of how he’d treated her before scratched at his brain.

 

Not wanting that to be the focus of their conversation, Rey moved past it quickly. “It’s just...well – I think...I was just wondering – ” As much as she tried to avoid it, she was stumbling over her words. She huffed in annoyance at herself.

 

Ben rubbed her shoulder, attempting to quiet her fears. “It’s okay. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

 

“I can see us moving forward with whatever this is that we have going on. I can see us together, Ben. I can help you over this hurdle. You don’t have to be alone.”

 

“You...want to stick around? Like permanently? Even after everything?” Disbelief washed over Ben. For as long as he could remember, he felt defective and unfixable.

_Why would anyone waste their time on helping me? It’s never worked before._

 

“Of course I do,” Rey bit at her cheek in nervousness. It took everything in her to not stutter. “I want that with you, but we have to figure this out first. Something is closing you off from relationships.”

 

“You’re not wrong. I’m scared.”

 

Rey cocked her head to the side in surprise. That wasn’t the answer she’d expected to hear. “Scared? Scared of what?”

 

“So much has happened, I’m –” Unable to get his train of thought together, Ben clenched his jaw tightly shut. His tongue felt as if it swelled up and prevented him from speaking.

 

“What, Ben? Please talk to me.” Rey touched her fingertips to Ben’s cheek and trailed them down along his jawline. “I want to help you.”

 

Memories of Luke phased through.

 _Help_. A simple word with so much meaning behind it.

 _Help._  A simple word that he'd lost faith in long ago.

The pain from his unclosed wounds still stung deep down.

 

“I’m scared of you leaving me, Rey. I’m scared of everyone leaving me. It’s easier for me to be alone.”

 

His confession crushed deep into Rey’s chest. She could feel the sadness dripping from his assertion. The loneliness he’d been carrying inside had really taken hold of him. “But that’s such a sad and lonely life, Ben. You deserve more than that. What happened to make you so scared?”

 

Ben gulped hard – he couldn’t believe that he was about to release all the secrets he’d hidden far underneath his surface for the greater part of his life. With a sigh, he melted into the back cushion of the couch. “I don’t even know where to start.”

 

“At the beginning.” Rey pointed out with confidence. She leaned back, cuddling her way under his arm. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Hours passed as Ben revealed his early life to the woman who so desperately wanted to help him out of the hole he’d dug himself into. She listened intently, offering her reassurances whenever necessary without interrupting him. The information poured from Ben; the cork had been popped on the bottle that hid his deepest, darkest memories.

 

For the first time in Ben's life, a light had reached a cavern he thought would remain undiscovered.

 

*****

 

Ben’s early life had been relatively easy until he reached the age of 10. His parents, Han and Leia Solo, were high ranking officials in their respective political organizations working with foreign affairs. Although they were constantly traveling, Ben never had too much trouble acclimating to his new environments. He moved schools often, making single-serving, momentary friends every step of the way – never too upset to be onto his family's next journey.

 

His parents had been more of background characters as he grew up. The lack of relationship he had with them wore on him, but Ben became very good at hiding his feelings of emotional neglect. Besides, he enjoyed the time he got to spend with his father’s faithful assistant, Charlie Kashyyyk; or more lovingly known by young Ben as “Chewie”.

 

Ben had never doubted his parent’s love for him, but he knew how attached they were to their positions. Their jobs had always seemed to come first, and that was just the way of their lives. That had become their normalcy. Taking note of this, Charlie had made it a personal responsibility to love Ben the way he knew Ben deserved.

 

Chewie had been around since the day Benjamin Pax Solo was born, and throughout the years they formed an irreplaceable bond. Whenever he was experiencing a difficult situation that needed guidance, Chewie’s hand was the one he reached for.  Ben would never say it out loud, but he looked to Chewie as a father figure – more so than his own father. He honestly believed that no one understood him the way his beloved friend did. Always suffering from intrusive thoughts, Ben knew that Chewie would be the person next to him, helping to keep the darkness at bay – not his parents.

 

When Ben was 10, Charlie suddenly passed away; Han and Leia refused to tell him any details other than that. The day that Chewie died was the day that Ben Solo began his decline. His death opened up a hole inside of Ben’s heart; a seed of darkness was released and took root, beginning to grow at a rapid pace. He fell into a deep depression; the demons inside splitting him in two. He’d lost himself to a dark presence – one that constantly reminded him of every insecurity he’d ever held onto and Chewie was no longer there to guide him back to safety.

 

Han and Leia didn’t notice his fading light until it had reached a dangerous depth; the shadow of their son was barely visible anymore. By the time he was 13, Ben had become unrecognizable. He no longer spoke; refusing to communicate with anyone. His anger had grown out of control, lashing out every chance he got. Leia did her best to get him into counseling, but he refused to go. Han wanted him on medication, but Ben would spit the pills back in his face.

 

After feeling as if they’d exhausted all of their options, Leia decided that it was time to send him away for professional care. Her brother, Luke Skywalker, was a professional psychologist – Leia and Han believed this was the best option for their son. They truly believed that if anyone could help Ben, it would be his own uncle.

 

This decision was not seen in a positive light by Ben. He believed that his parent’s ultimate goal was to get rid of him; screaming day in and day out that he was never important to them. The darkness had engulfed him and he pleaded for them to pull him out from the sinking ship he was stuck on. All he wanted was for them to open their eyes and understand as Chewie once did, but they couldn’t.

 

When Ben arrived at Luke’s home, he was very hesitant; afraid that he’d be thrown away yet again. Over the years, he’d built a wall, refusing to get close to anyone. After the loss of his friend, followed by the rejection of his parents, he was terrified to feel that hurt again. His greatest fear was being thrown away.

 

Luke did what he could to facilitate Ben; he never pressured him to talk or pushed for him to leave his shell. Every day he’d ask, “ _Would you like to talk today?”_

Ben’s silence would be the only answer that Luke needed. “ _Okay. I’ll check again tomorrow. I’m here when you’re ready.”_ The discussion would then be dropped, and brought up again the next day during breakfast – just as it was the prior morning.

 

Trying to talk to him like Chewie once had, Luke attempted to reach Ben by showing him the love and compassion he knew that Ben so desperately craved. At times, Ben would seem responsive to the tactic, and Luke kept hope that they’d continue making progress. Every once in a while, Ben would smile and Luke truly believed that they were reaching new levels.

 

Ben stayed with Luke for years, but could never let himself fully open up to his uncle, regardless of how much he wished he could. Some nights, he would lay in bed crying out – begging for someone to take his pain away.

 

One night during a particularly bad fit, Luke came into his room with open arms. He’d reached out to his nephew thousands of times before this, but he never wanted to lose hope that he’d be able to bring him back.

_Maybe tonight will be the night. Maybe tonight he’ll let me in._

 

“Ben, I’m here. Let me help you.”

 

The pillow had been soaked in his tears; Ben’s eyes were swollen with sorrow. “Just make it stop, uncle. I can’t do this anymore. Make the thoughts stop.” For the first time in the 3 years he’d lived with his uncle, Ben had allowed himself to show the pain he held inside.

 

The comment sent a chill down Luke’s spine. Alarms sounded off in his head, and he was afraid for his nephews' safety. “I’ll help you, Ben. I know what I have to do.”

 

Luke rushed from Ben’s bedroom to the phone. Reliving a familiar experience, Ben listened to the conversation through the small crack in his door.

_“Hi, this is Luke Skywalker. I’m a psychologist with Northeastern Tatooine Institute. I have a patient that I believe needs to be admitted as soon as possible.”_

 

The world surrounding Ben began to spiral as he realized what was happening: his uncle was discarding him just as his mother and father had. He clutched at the door frame in an attempt to steady himself.

_He doesn’t want me either. What the fuck is wrong with me?_

 

With that, Ben grabbed a pen and hastily scribbled a quick note before running away from his uncle’s home:

 

**_You lost hope in me just like everyone else._ **

**_You were never really here._ **

 

At the age of 16, Benjamin Pax Solo left his old life behind; cramming all the remnants of his wounds into a mental cave and finding a new part of his mind to live in. He wanted to start a new life, away from the painful memories he’d acquired. When he left the cave behind, he made a promise to himself that he swore he'd take to his grave:

 

_No one will ever hurt me like this again. I won’t let them in._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, once again, to my amazing friend RensKnight18. I never would have posted this chapter without her support. Thank you, love. ❤️


	13. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long one! Enjoy :)

 

_The scene was set. The light drizzle had let up, leaving their clothes partially damp. The night sky above withheld its stars; the clouds had come to join them. Rey’s head was pressed against Ben’s chest and he could feel the heave of her breaths in between her sobs. This wasn’t how he envisioned their end._

 

_“Did you think it would be this way?” Rey impulsively quavered, as if she were connected to his exact train of thought._

 

_Knowing that the impending outcome of this situation was set didn’t change all of the things that Ben wished he could respond with. There were so many different conclusions he would have preferred over this exact one._

_But instead of answering with any of those swirling thoughts, he responded flatly. “No.”_

 

_“This is it, Ben. Are you sure about this?” Rey’s hand clutched onto Ben’s, begging for him to tighten his hold onto her fingers. His loose grasp was proof he’d already let her go._

_Every fiber of Ben’s being wanted to scream no, but he knew this was what had to be done._

 

_“You have to go,” Ben repeated in the same monotonous tone. He’d promised himself that he’d leave his feelings at home, safe behind his front door. “It’s for the best.”_

 

_The world was silent around them. The moon glowed a soft, pale light onto Rey’s face; a true vision of beauty that would forever be imprinted into his brain. He’d counted the freckles scattered across her cheeks countless times; 34. A number he’d never forget._

_The moonlight on her face was suddenly joined by the spill of fluorescent headlights. They both watched on in horror as the taxi made its way to them._

 

_"It’s for the best,” Ben repeated. “You have to go.”_

 

**********

 

Shooting into consciousness, Ben quickly sat up – his back straight and stiff. Sweat drenched locks of his hair, matting the strands together. He clenched the sheets underneath him, making sure he was back in reality. “Fuck,” he breathed quietly to himself. “Why do I keep having dreams like this?”

 

“Ben?” Rey mumbled, rubbing her hand across the bed beneath them – searching for any part of his body she could get her hands on. “Everything okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” His quickened breaths stated otherwise.

 

“What’s wrong? What is it?” She finally found him and gently massaged his thigh with one hand; her other hastily attempting to rub the sleep from her eye.

 

“I keep having this dream. I mean, it’s not always the same exact thing every time. The details change.” Ben laid back, pulling Rey down to the pillow next to him. “It’s just the same ending. It’s so vivid.”

 

Lifting her hand to his face, she traced the outline of his scar. It had smoothed down to basically nothing, just a soft line down his face. “What happens?”

 

Not wanting to alert her to his surfacing subconscious worries, he mimicked her sentiment and placed his hand softly on her cheek – doing his best to divert her attention away from his answer. It had been weeks since their conversation; the one where he revealed his deep-rooted fear of abandonment. Luke had been gone just as long. He was happy to let some of the pain from his past leave with his uncle, and it wasn’t a conversation he wanted to revisit so soon – especially during the late hours of the night.

“Nothing that needs to be worried about right now. Just a stupid dream.”

 

Wide awake, Ben watched as Rey stretched her mouth into a wide and slightly audible yawn. She’d been fighting to stay awake but she was no match for her exhaustion. He knew she wanted to protest his aversion to spilling the details, but her fatigue had other plans. “But I want to know…”

 

Ben pulled her up to his chest as he rolled over onto his back. He glided his fingertips across her bare arms; barely touching, almost floating. “Tomorrow. Get some sleep, sweetheart.”

 

Unable to refuse the temptation of laying on his bare chest, Rey nestled in cozily on top of his skin with a sigh of contentment. “Okay, tomorrow.” Her resistance to sleep had been futile.  
Milliseconds after the words left her mouth, Ben heard her soft snores reappear as her breathing evened out into a rhythm. She’d already drifted back to a world of slumber.

 

“Tomorrow,” Ben repeated, knowing full well he wouldn’t allow her to bring the subject up again.

 

* * *

 

 

“You look like shit,” Finn remarked as Ben walked past his desk. His stare followed Ben’s trail into his office. “Long night?”

 

“The longest.” The dark circles under his eyes refused to lie. Ben had spent most of his night tossing and turning, fighting sleep – afraid _that dream_ was lurking behind his eyelids once again.  He didn’t want to think about Rey exiting his life, let alone see a live-action enactment of it.

 

Intrigued, Finn sprung up from his chair and furiously trod on the heels of his best friend. “You and Rey aren’t fighting, right?” He failed horribly at hiding the worried tone in his voice.

 

“Seriously? No, dude. We’re fine.”

 

 _“Thank God,”_ A sigh of relief made its way from between Finn’s lips. “I’d kick your ass if you did something to screw that up.”

 

“Terrifying.” Sarcasm slipped from his tongue as he rolled his eyes at Finn’s attempt to threaten him. “It’s just a case of insomnia.”

With a huff, Ben threw himself into his chair – throwing his head backward, wincing at the sudden migraine that formed from his lack of sleep. Attempting to erase the pain, he pinched at the bridge of his nose.

 

“Insomnia? From what? Blue balls keepin’ ya up?” Finn flipped the light switch on for the room, brightening up Ben’s office immediately. “You could fix that by, I don’t know, asking her to have sex with you? She's been living with you for months and you still haven't sealed the deal. You guy's aren't even officially dating. She totally wants to. I don't know what you're thinking...” The words floated off as Finn fell into a rant about Ben and Rey's relationship.

 

“Ah! Off!” Ben ordered, slamming his eyelids shut to block the beams of light. Not only did he want the lights off, he wanted Finn's wild tangent about his relationship to end – Ben couldn't handle either at that point. “Headache!” He pulled himself up to a sitting position, still leaving his eyes closed – fumbling to find the on switch for his computer.

 

“You’re so dramatic.” Finn facetiously replied as he switched the light switch down. “So tell me more about this insomnia. What’s causing it?”

 

The buzz of his computer signaled that it was starting up. Ben placed his forehead in his palm as he typed in the password on his computer with one finger. “If I knew that, don’t you think I’d fix it?”

 

“Geesh, no need to snap at me.” Crossing his arms abruptly, Finn stuck his bottom lip out in a pout as he turned his back.

  
Realizing that his remark had come out...not so well, Ben laid his head down on his desk – face first – and mumbled an apology into the scattered papers. “I’m sorry, Finn. You’re right. I’m just so tired. I haven’t gotten any sleep the last few days because of this dream.”

 

“Now you’ve got my attention,” Finn looked back over his shoulder with a raised brow. He scurried to one of the seats in front of Ben’s desk and sat down quickly – crossing his legs in anticipation of Ben’s explanation. “Tell me about this dream.”

 

“It’s about Rey.” He exhaled, rubbing his hands on his thighs.

 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Finn tittered. “I remember my first wet dream. Good times.”

 

Ben stared at Finn stone-faced, unappreciative of his comedic sense of timing.

 

Holding his hands up in surrender, Finn raised his eyebrows in apology. “Sorry, sorry. Bad taste. What happens?”

 

Suddenly, Ben’s legs became restless; they bounced up and down sharply – his knees barely missing contact with the underneath portion of his desk. Thinking about the details of his dream filled him up to the brim with anxiety. “The beginning and middle differ slightly, but they always end the same.”

 

“And how’s that?” At that point, Finn had leaned completely forward; elbows resting on Ben’s desk. His eyes were wide with curiousness.

 

During their conversation, Ben had been sifting through his emails mindlessly – part of his morning routine as he waited for his coffee to be finished brewing in the break room.  Normally, they were emails from his workers relaying their progress on their current projects or pointless spam accounts asking for money. But that particular morning, he happened upon an interesting subject line for an email from his Advertising Manager:

 

**_Searching for prospective photographer for an upcoming deal._ **

 

“Oh, shit.”

 

“Oh shit?” Finn echoed. “ _Oh shit_ what? Does she die?”

 

“I got an email.” Ben double clicked the line, opening the full email – skimming through each line and absorbing the body of it. His mind instantly began churning with possibilities.

 

_______________________

_Benjamin Solo-_

_Mrs. Holdo has left me in charge of recruiting an ad photographer in a semi-permanent position, with the opportunity of becoming a permanent position in our department secondary to timely fulfillment of responsibilities and work ethic during the probationary period._

_With that being said, my schedule is far too busy to accommodate her request so I’m passing the responsibility onto you. My responsibilities are of much higher precedence than yours, I presume._

_I will need a list compiled of potential employees. Along with that, I expect multiple lists containing references and past job experience._

_I expect you to get me this information in a timely manner - 5:30 this evening._

_- **Andrew Huxton**_

_**Advertising Manager** _

_**ext:201** _

_______________________

 

“She emails you? Who emails anymore? Dead technology if you ask me. Yeah, that might keep me up too, knowing I was sleeping next to someone whose preferred method of chat was emailing.” Finn brought his pointer finger up to his mouth, trying to make sense of Ben’s unexpected explanation.

 

“What?” Ben looked up from his computer and stared at Finn with squinted eyes, completely puzzled at what it was that he was blabbering about. He’d been so caught up in the email, it took him a moment to realize that he’d left Finn in their previous conversation. “What? No. Come here,” he said, motioning for Finn to come behind his desk as he pointed to the screen. “Look at this.”

 

Placing a hand on the back of Ben’s chair, Finn leaned forward and read through the email. He chuckled at his completion. “No surprise there. Passing his work onto you. That guy’s such a dick.”

 

“Well, yeah. That’s definitely true. But this could be a good thing.”

 

“Yeah, it’ll be cool having an in house photographer. It’ll make the whole process a lot easier. We could totally –”

 

“Rey.” Ben interrupted Finn’s sentence before he could finish. “We could get Rey.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh, Ben. I don’t know. Do you really think I can do this? Do I look okay?”

Rey and Ben stood outside of the building that held the Marketing Director’s office – more precisely, Mrs. Holdo. When Ben had given his suggestion of photographer to Andrew, his request was denied instantly. Assuming this would happen, Ben had already sent Mrs. Holdo an email himself explaining the situation and reasoning for his suggestion. Luckily for him, Mrs. Holdo trusted his judgment and overrode Andrew Huxton’s denial of a potential employee. She wanted to meet Ms. Reylene Knight herself.

Of course, Ben left out most of that information in fear that it would discourage Rey from going through with the interview. She was already nervous enough, only having a couple of days notice to prepare.

 

“I have no doubt you can do this.” Straightening the collar on Rey’s shirt, Ben looked over her carefully. She’d been in a fitted white button up that was decorated with pastel blue polka dots, finished off with a high waisted soft gray pencil skirt and a simple pair of black pumps. Though her hair had been pulled back into a tight, formal bun, stray hairs danced and fell around her face with the blow of the breeze. “You look fantastic. You’re gonna do great.”

 

“But I’ve never had an actual photography job – just random shoots here and there.” Rey gulped hard; she raised her arms to check if her armpit sweat had leaked through. She pointed to the damp spots as panic shot random thoughts from her mouth. “Do I smell okay? I’m really sweaty. What if they don’t hire me because I stink?”

 

Bending down, Ben stuck his nose towards her and took an exaggerated sniff. “They already know that you don’t have much experience. They trust my judgment, and I have a ridiculous amount of confidence in you.” Sensing her nervousness, Ben continued on with the gentle push towards her future – positivity he knew she needed. “This job could start you on your career path. It could give you the tools that you need to start your own portfolio. You’re always saying you want more than your job at BB’s. This could be it, sweetheart.”

 

Rey’s eyes lit up as the words resonated within her. Recognition dawned on her face.  
_I could be a real photographer. It’ll put me one step closer to working in fashion...I could start a portfolio._

“Ben...you’re right. This could kick start everything!” Leaning back onto the car door, she stared off into the distance – thinking of all the possible future endeavors that could await her should she get this job. “Is that why you’re doing this?”

 

“I want you to be happy.” Ben fussed with the button on the cuff of his sleeve in order to keep his gaze away from Rey’s. He could feel his cheeks turn rosy.

 

Rey wrapped her arms around Ben’s waist and pressed her chin against his chest, staring up at him. He towered over her short, petite stature. “You’re the best, you know that?”

 

His lips curled into a smile as he kissed her forehead. “You smell really good, by the way. Just like vanilla.”

 

**********

 

 

“Ms. Knight, nice to meet you. Please, come take a seat.” Mrs. Holdo extended a hand, motioning towards the chairs directly in front of her desk. “Ben, so glad you could escort her here. Thank you for the recommendation. Join us.” Her smile was welcoming. She had an air about her; one that made it feel like you’d known her your entire life. 

 

Ben had known Mrs. Holdo for close to 10 years, and she’d always gone above and beyond to remind him of what he was capable of. She’d given him his start at her business as soon as he graduated college and helped guide him through everything after. They’d formed a very close bond within those years – she wasn’t only a mentor, but a close friend.

Amy Holdo had a way of making the people around her feel at ease. Not only was she a proficient leader, but she was also committed to helping people reach their full potential. The pride she had for each of her employees was apparent.

 

“It’s so nice to formally meet you, Mrs. Holdo.” Rey slipped her quivering hand into Amy’s. “Please, call me Rey.”

 

“Would you like something to drink? Water, pink lemonade?” Amy offered as she sat down behind her desk. “I can send Mr. Huxton to the kitchen to grab some.”

 

When Rey didn’t respond immediately, Ben glanced over at her. He could see the nervousness dripping from her in the form of sweat. “Waters would be great,” he spoke up. “Especially if Andrew’s the one that has to get them for us.”

 

“Now, Ben –” Mrs. Holdo slyly smirked, fully aware of the crudeness behind his comment. “Let’s not start.” She pressed a button on the work phone placed on her desk. “Andrew, please bring some waters in here for Mr. Solo and Ms. Knight.”

 

_Yes, ma’am._

 

“Th-thank you,” Rey managed to force out. “I’m sorry, I’m really nervous.”

 

“Nerves are a normal part of the process. It’s expected. Take a breath, regain your composure and be yourself. Have confidence in yourself, Ms. Knight. Everything will work out fine.” She smiled warmly and shifted through papers that had been on her desk, pulling out Rey’s resume from in between. “So, Rey. Not much experience in the business aspect?” she inquired. “What makes you interested in this specific position as an ad photographer for this magazine?”

 

Rey inhaled deeply, attempting to equalize herself. “No, ma’am. I don’t have much professional experience working in a business setting, per se. But, I have done business with private clients. I’ve compiled some pictures of my work that I think will speak for itself.” Rey felt herself gain her footing as her morale returned. “It’s not the most complete portfolio, but I think it showcases what I can be capable of if given the proper tools.”

 

Amy winked at Rey; a slight reassurance that she was impressed with the way Rey regained her balance. “Wonderful, I like that. Preparation is key!” Grabbing the photos from Rey, she flipped through them taking a few moments to carefully study each one. “These are wonderful. Impressive! Very eye catching, which is just what we need.”

 

Just then, Andrew pushed the door open – holding three bottles of water in his arms. As soon as his eyes met Rey, he seemed to fall into a trance. A devilish smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “You must be Ms. Knight,” he handed her a water first, placing the other bottles on the desk. “What a pleasure to meet you.”

 

Stretching his arm out towards her, she took it without hesitation. “Wonderful to meet you…Mr. Huxton, is it?”

 

The grin hadn’t left his face. “Andrew.” He squeezed her hand tighter. “I look forward to getting to know you better in the future.”

 

Rey never suspected the worst from people. Oblivious, she assumed he was just being overly friendly – ignoring the creepiness of the whole meeting. "If I get the job," she giggled nervously. "But if so, I look forward to it as well."

 

The way that Andrew had been staring at Rey made Ben uncomfortable. Aware of the fact that Rey was a beautiful woman, Ben knew it wasn’t uncommon for her to get looks. But Andrew Huxton ogled Rey like she was a piece of meat, and it made him cringe. Digging his nails into his palm, Ben did what he could to keep his mouth shut. He was surprised at how upset he’d gotten so quickly.

“Hey, Andrew, I think a 3-minute handshake should suffice. You’ve officially met.” His voice weighed heavy with acidic sarcasm.

 

With that, Andrew released Rey’s hand and turned his attention to Mrs. Holdo; completely ignoring Ben’s existence. “Is there anything else I can do for you before I leave?”

 

Noticing the strange meeting that unfolded in front of her, followed by Ben’s reaction to it, she slightly chuckled and shook her head. “That’ll be enough for the night, Andrew. See you on Monday. Now, Rey, where were we?”

 

* * *

 

 

After a 45 minute interview, Rey exited the office with her head held high – officially an employee. Once in the car, Rey excitedly jabbered on about her new employment and how she believed this would be life-changing.  
“I can’t thank you enough, Ben. This is one of the best things anyone’s ever done for me!” Keeping one hand on the steering wheel, she clutched his hand with the other.

 

“I didn’t do anything,” Ben reassured her. There’s no way he was going to let her pass the credit off to him when she was the one who aced the interview. “That was all you. You did it.”

 

“This is going to be great. I’m gonna kick this project’s ass so Mrs. Holdo asks me to stay on! First step, full-time position. Next step, portfolio. Fashion magazine in New York, here I come!” Her enthusiasm spilled out from every pore of her. The confidence she exuded was impossible to ignore. Rey was sure of herself, and she was dead set on her goal. “I know this is going to happen. I just know it.”

 

Ben’s throat tightened at her words; realization choked him. Suddenly, his dream of her departure began to feel a bit more real. He’d forgotten about the lingering dread that it had branded into his mind, but the spark of fear was reignited by her words. Though it would be in the future, he had inadvertently opened up the real possibility of her leaving one day.

He wanted to believe it was a far fetched dream; he wanted to believe that it would never happen. As much as he attempted to fight the lingering thought, everything in his being convinced him that it would one day become reality.

 

Unwilling to let Rey become aware of his panic, he turned his gaze towards the window. Robotically, he added a smile to his face; every muscle in his jaw doing what it could to hold it up.

_I can't ruin this for her...this is everything she wants._

 

“New York,” he repeated in a whisper. “One day.”


	14. Never too late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm so very sorry that this chapter has taken so long to get published. A lot of things have been going on in my life, and I've had to work through that before being able to completely focus on my writing again.
> 
> But! Good news. The next chapter after this will be out very, very soon. (Maybe even tonight! yay!)
> 
> I'm so excited to share these next few chapters. Enjoy!

“Maybe you’re right,” Trying to be discreet, Ben peeked in between the slits of the blinds on his office window. Andrew was at Rey’s desk, yet again – somehow he always ended up there, multiple times a day. “Maybe I should just go for it."

“Or you could continue honing your stalking skills,” Finn pulled the blinds shut, snapping them closed on Ben’s finger. “I don’t even know why you waste your time watching them.”

“Because I don’t trust him.”

Leaning his shoulder against the doorframe, Finn rolled his eyes. “Then do something about it. You’ve already wasted so much time with Rey. She’s just like a glorified roommate to you at this point.”

 

Knowing that Finn was more than right, Ben sulked backward and threw himself into one of the chairs in front of his desk – the heaviest sigh escaping from his lips. Leaning his head back, he covered his face with his hands and groaned. “I know, I know. Why am I like this, dude?”

****** 

A month had passed since Ben informed Rey of his innermost secrets and once aware of the demons he'd been working on within himself, she’d dropped the conversation about their relationship. She’d made it very clear that she still wanted to move forward with him, but refused to make him feel forced into it.

“ _I want you comfortable. Whenever you’re ready, I’m ready.”_

 

Ben had been given the reigns to guide the relationship wherever he wanted while Rey took a backseat and, so far, all he’d managed to do was release the slack so much that he wasn’t sure if he inadvertently destroyed any chance for a future at all.

Finn was correct; they were roommates – roommates that cuddled on the couch from time to time and slept in the same bed every night, but still hadn’t been out on a real date or had sex. The one time they’d been close to moving to the next level, Ben was cockblocked by his own broken leg and it was mutually agreed upon that they wouldn’t try being intimate again until the cast was off.

 

Ben could count on one hand the number of times they’d actually kissed, and it was so long ago he started to believe they never actually happened.

They were stuck in some weird middle ground that he wasn’t sure how to get out of – or if he was even ready to get out of it.

*****

“I think I know what I have to do. I’m gonna do it tonight.”

“Tonight?” Finn questioned with intrigue, as a smirk pulled at the corners of his mouth. 

"Yeah, tonight," Instantly, doubt flooded Ben. "Is something wrong with that?" 

"I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, maybe there's just already –"

 

Finn didn’t get a chance to finish before there was a small knock at Ben's office door – the door slightly cracking open before giving Ben an opportunity to answer. “It’s me,” Rey announced. “Hope I’m not interrupting.”

“You? Interrupting?” Slinging an arm over Rey’s shoulder, Finn lowered his head onto Rey’s shoulder. “Never. Perfect timing, sunflower.”

Rey lifted her finger to boop the tip of Finn’s nose – her wide, toothy smile taking up most of her face. “Did you get everything prepped for tonight?" 

“ _Psht_. Where's your faith, Ms. Knight?” Finn playfully snapped his teeth at her fingertips, pretending to bite them. “Of course I did.”

 

Even though Finn was his best friend, and also fully invested in men, a pang of jealousy fluttered across Ben’s chest. It wasn’t that he was jealous _of_ Finn – it’s just the image of Rey showing any other male the attention he wanted (but refused) struck a nerve with him. He was annoyed at himself for wasting so much time with Rey; this anger was his fault, and he knew that.

_Tonight? What are they doing tonight?_

Clearing his throat, Ben found his wording – he’d wanted it to come out strong, but it ended up sounding a little desperate. “What do you guys have going on tonight?”

 

Finn and Rey glanced at each other with a giggle. “Nothing,” they both said in unison, realizing they’d said too much about their secret. “Ready to go, Ben? Your appointment is in a half hour. I know the doctor’s office isn’t too far, but the traffic’s gonna be bad since it’s so close to 5, so I wanted to leave a little early.” Rey began to dig in her purse for the keys to her car.

“Y-Yeah – yup. I am. ” Ben stammered, trying to hide his slight annoyance.

Looking down at his watch, Ben gulped hard. After 4 long uncomfortable months, the day had finally come for his cast removal. Unable to drive due to his cast, Rey had been his chauffeur for the last few months, so naturally, she’d offered to take him to his appointment.

“Great,” Rey motioned towards the door. Raising to her tip-toes, Rey planted a quick peck on Finn’s cheek. “Give Poe a kiss for me.”

 

* * *

 

_As soon as we get home._ Ben repeated silently as his leg bounced nervously in the passenger seat of Rey’s car. _As soon as we get home, I’m going to pick her up and carry her onto my bed. Yup, I’m definitely not going to bitch out of this._

Visions of himself ripping her clothes off pulsed between his ears. His throat tightened as his mind stopped him from moving towards the next part of the fantasy.

_Oh, fuck. I can’t do this._

Even in his own head, he couldn’t sound confident. He doubted his own pep talks.

 

Noticing that Ben’s leg had begun to move up and down at a rapid pace, she placed her hand on his thigh to calm him. “I know you just got your cast off and you wanna take your leg for a spin, but let’s not push it okay? I’d like to keep the floor of my car.”

“It feels weird,” Ben spoke up, taking a look down at the pale and uneven muscle tone of something that resembled his old leg. “I can’t believe it’s finally free. I can’t wait to wash it, I feel disgusting.” He ran his fingers across the decoration of scars from the surgeries he’d endured. Permanent reminders of how he was lucky to be alive.

“Don’t worry, they won’t be so noticeable once you get some color back on your skin.” Rey squeezed his thigh once more before moving her hand back to the steering wheel. “I agree, though. That leg needs washed.” She dramatically sniffed the air before rolling down the windows.

 

They both let out full-hearted laughs. Turning his head to look at Rey, the moment in time turned into still frame. The wind whipped through her hair as the sun shined at just the right angle to light up the different notes of cocoa-colored and mahogany hair that flew around her perfectly structured face. Momentarily getting lost in her warm olive skin tones, he took a mental snapshot. This specific vision of her was one he never wanted to forget.

Her smile had a way of twisting his stomach into knots that couldn’t be undone. At that moment, he knew he’d be incomplete without that smile in his life. Ben wanted to wake up every morning to that smile, and he wanted to see that smile after every kiss he ever laid on her lips for the rest of his life. All of the confidence he’d lacked before was instantly returned to him as if he’d received an adrenaline shot.

 

An overwhelming need to be skin to skin with her made the hairs on his arms raised. The fears he’d been holding onto of her leaving him still persisted, but he didn’t have the strength to fight the urge anymore. He knew he couldn’t be held back any longer. 

_I can do this._

 

* * *

 

“Feels weird walking through the front door instead of hobbling with that stupid boot for the cast,” Ben remarked, wasting no time in undoing the button on his pants. It would take some time to get used to walking normally with two working legs again, but he could deal with the temporary limp that came with the removal of the cast. Anything was better than that thing.

Pushing thoughts of his limp leg to the side, he was ready to get down to business. He wanted Rey, and he was going to show her exactly how much.

 

But to his surprise, she’d headed straight towards the bedroom.

_She must have had the same idea. Okay, awesome. That makes it easier. Breathe. Okay, now walk._

He ordered his legs to move, but they defiantly refused. 

_Come on, move your fucking legs, dumbass. WALK._

 

His inner struggle was broken up when he heard the familiar squeak of his bedroom closet opening. Within a second, Rey’s head shot out from behind the wall.

“Why don’t you go take a shower now?” Rey hastily said, rushing out to him with an extended hand. “A nice, long, shower?”

 

“Well, actually I was thinking maybe – “

“Nope,” Rey clutched his arm and pulled him towards the bathroom. Doing her best not to make eye contact, she swirled around behind him in one swift motion and placed her hands on his lower back. “Shower.” 

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to get rid of me,” Ben said back to her as she pushed on him, urging him towards the already running shower she started.

“So what if I am? If you don’t get into the shower by yourself, I may have to some serious brute force.” 

“Sounds exciting. Maybe I’ll take you up on that.” With an exaggerated eyebrow raise, Ben jokingly pursed his lips out into a kissy face. He'd always loved how easily they could go back and forth with playful banter.

Rey fake gagged at his comment with a chuckle. “Charming. Get in the shower, Romeo.”

 

Once his feet touched the tile of the bathroom floor, Rey quickly shut the door behind him. “Remember – long, relaxing shower. Okay?” Ben placed his head on the door between them as he listened to her muffled voice.

“Yeah, yeah. Long. Relaxing. Got it.”

After getting fully unclothed, Ben hopped under the warm water – releasing a soft sigh as the moisture soaked into his skin. Steam began to form in the enclosed room, swallowing Ben in tranquility. He slid his back down the wall and sat on the floor; tilting his head down to allow the water to pour through his hair.

_Man, what’s going on with her? Something’s up. Maybe...maybe she wanted me to clean up before we have sex. Yeah, that’s it. Or...maybe she’s just trying to make things seem normal. Or what if that was her nicely turning me down? Maybe it's too late..._

 

Lost in thought, Ben massaged shampoo into his hair and followed that with some serious scrubbing of his newly freed leg – picking off the dirt and random pieces of _whatever_ that’d been trapped underneath the cast.

He’d forgotten how nice it was to not have to be mindful of a cast. Rubbing his weakened calf muscle, he began to notice tingles in his leg – there was definitely remaining numbness and loss of feeling.

_Hopefully, it’s not too long before I’m back to normal. I want it all to be normal again._

 

Entering the latter half of his shower, he began to plan what he was going to say to Rey once he’d exited the shower.  

_Fuck clothes. I’m walking to her, butt-ass naked, and I’m pulling her into bed. No wait, I definitely need to talk to her first and make sure it's all alright. Okay, we'll talk and then when I get the go-ahead, her lips won’t be able to escape mine. I'll show her how much she means to me._

As ravenous thoughts weaved in and out of his mind, his dick began to harden – making itself known. Self-assured, he refused to let his negative thoughts cloud his vision. 

Only when the water began to run cold did he start to wonder how much time he'd wasted in the shower. Realizing it had to have been just under an hour, he turned the water off and dried himself as fast as he could – his erect member reminding Ben that it was prepped and ready to go.

 

Talking to himself softly, Ben attempted to pump himself up as he slid the bathroom door open. " _Phew._ Okay, I can do this. I’m going to tell her everything. I’m going to _show_ her –”

“Hey, I thought I heard you get out –” Rey walked into the room head down and fussing with a small golden bracelet on her wrist; dressed as beautiful as Ben had ever seen. Her shoulder length hair was down in a soft mess of waves, perfectly cradling the curves of her face. The makeup she’d applied was delicate and natural, with a touch of highlight sweeping across the tops of her cheeks – accenting the small freckles Ben loved so much.

And _that dress_. That almost-too-short dark purple dress hugged her body in all the ways Ben wished he could – the neckline plummeting, showing off her collar bones. He’d never seen the dress before, but he wouldn’t mind seeing her in it every day for the rest of his life.

His jaw dropped – no attempt was made at speaking. It had taken seconds for him to capture the sight of her, and every detail she sported had taken his breath away.

 

Rey failed to notice his opened mouth. Her attention had been caught by _something else,_ for obvious reasons. This was not how she’d imagined seeing his fully naked body for the first time.

“Oh, god. I’m sorry. Shit!” She tripped over her words as she shielded her eyes. “I just wanted to tell you I already picked out clothes for you.” Stumbling over her own feet, she felt her way to the bed – patting on the outfit that was laid out across the sheets.

 

After a moment, Ben realized he hadn't spoken yet. He looked down at his penis that still pointed up towards the woman who’d managed to make it harder than he ever believed possible. Moving his gaze back towards Rey, he could see her cheeks burning red; eye’s still covered in an attempt to block the image in front of her. 

Embarrassed beyond words, Rey backed away slowly; using her arm to guide her back to the door as she mumbled. “I’ll be leaving now. Fuck, I’m sorry. I should have knocked. I'm stupid, so stupid...”

 

“You’re so goddamn beautiful, Rey,” Ben breathed, ignoring her statement. “How is it even possible for the universe to hold this much fucking perfection?”

Rey’s heart skipped a few beats before returning back to its normal pace. “Wh–what?” She lowered her hand from her face. She felt as if her skin was going to melt off; she couldn’t hide the blush that had seemingly found a permanent home within her cheeks.

The look in her eyes made it seem as if she’d never been told she was beautiful before – and if she had been, she never believed it. It was a look that made Ben’s heart ache.

 

Impulsively, he took a couple of steps towards Rey; softly scooping her face into his massive hands once he reached her. He leaned down and moved his lips to hers – a wondering kiss, asking to be allowed in.

Once their mouths had met, Rey's body went limp. His grasp across her face and neck seemed to be the only thing keeping her from turning into a pool on the floor. They’d kissed a few times before, but never like this.

 

**_Nothing like this._ **

 

Of course, she’d been taken by surprise with his sudden, very outspoken, show of affection. But, somehow, it didn’t matter. The moment felt so completely right, she didn’t want to question it. The action felt long overdue, and she had no plans of stopping whatever was happening.

Their lips melded together for what felt like an eternity – gentle moans escaping every few moments. Ben ran his hands along with the dip of her hips as Rey slid her fingertips down his chest and towards his –

 

**_Bzzzt, Bzzzzzzzt, Bzzzt._ **

The ringtone for Rey’s phone broke the bubble they’d be in for who knows how long. “No Scrubs” began blaring from her phone in a different room.

Rey’s eyelids popped open, remembering they had somewhere to be. She pushed Ben’s pleading body away from hers. “They’re probably wondering how much longer.”

 

“They?” Momentarily distracted, Ben remembered that Rey had spoken about previous plans earlier. “I forgot you already had plans...”

His breathing became sharp once he started stringing thoughts together. The reservations he’d been holding onto about their relationship reared its ugly head, regardless of how much he didn't want to acknowledge them.

_She’s dressed up. She already had plans. She’s going out with someone. That's why Finn acted like it wasn't a good idea. I’m too late._

 

The phone continued to ring, but Rey didn’t rush to get it. Instead, she rubbed Ben’s arm soothingly. She had a knack for being able to feel when his anxiety started to peak. “Relax. _You_ have plans, too. Get dressed.” She pointed to the clothes on the bed once again. “I picked out clothes for you, remember?”

 

Shaking the negativity from his head, Ben was disappointed in himself.  _Man, I really need to try and get a hold of myself._

“Right…” 

 

She’d paired a dark grey undershirt and a long-sleeved green plaid button-up together, matched with tan khaki pants – finished with all black vans. He looked at his pre-prepared outfit and glanced back up at the goddess that Rey was – disbelief etched into his face.

“You're kidding, right? I’ll look like a complete schmuck standing next to you in this.” Taking a moment, Ben clenched his jaw with a frustrated exhale. “Actually, I’ll look like a schmuck regardless of what I’m wearing as long as I’m next to you.” 

“What are you talking about?! This happens to be one of my favorite outfits on you.” She held up the dark green shirt in front of her and studied it. “Green looks so good against the paleness of your skin…” Running her fingers along his neck and up to his chin, she felt the stubble that he’d acquired over the last day or so. “Also, I like this. Keep this.”

Rey slid open a drawer and pulled out a pair of boxer briefs and socks, tossing them over to Ben. “Now get dressed, we have to go.”

“Wait, where are we going? You never told me –”

Waving her hand in the air, Rey skipped from the bedroom before Ben could complete his question. “No time!” She yelled back towards him. “You’ll see when we get there!”

 

Their talk would have to wait. Although the moment had passed, something inside of himself told him that the door to their relationship had been reopened and Rey was waiting patiently for him on the other side. It was up to Ben on if he was ready to take the final step forward or not.

_It’s not too late._


	15. Letting go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was completely influenced by the song "Weight" by Crywolf (which is why the song is used in it). The idea for the whole scenario within this chapter came to me while listening to this song, and from that single idea I figured out a way to create an entire fic around it. So I'm excited that we've finally reached this part in the story! 
> 
> Please listen to the song! It'll help set the mood! :)
> 
> Side note: I was originally going to fit chapters 14, 15, and 16 into a single chapter. I decided to split them up into 3 separate chapters to pace the story better...also, I just didn't want to have one huge chapter! So, just letting you know that chapter 16 will begin almost exactly where this chapter leaves off and oh boy, are we in for a ride. ;)
> 
>  
> 
> A HUGE THANK YOU to @benskytrash for creating the moodboard for this chapter! YOU'RE AMAZING KAT AND I LOVE YOU!

 

 

“BB’s?” Ben questioned, shutting the car door behind him. “What’s going on? We haven’t been here since…”

The accident skipped through his mind – what he could remember of it, at least. As his vision faded out, he tried to grab hold of any remaining memories he had from that night. Not of the accident itself, but of the time he’d spent with Rey:

 

_**The look in her eyes as she stole glances at him from across the table.** _

_**The moment he realized she was a spitfire; ignoring the fact she was clearly out of his league.** _

_**The cold night air brushing his arms while they walked to their cars.** _

_**The plans he’d had for her that night once they reached her home.** _

_**The lights flooding into his car window.** _

 

“It’s okay,” Rey wrapped her arms around his forearm, tightly squeezing it with a hug for reassurance. “I thought maybe getting back to where it started might…” Her eyes scanned his face for upset before continuing. “I thought it might help. This is our spot.”

 “Our spot?” They took their time walking from the parking lot across the street towards the sidewalk; enjoying small talk as they made their way to BB’s. The sun had already set and although it wasn’t a particularly cool night, it had been comfortable enough for Florida. 

 

“Well, yeah,” Rey answered, matter of factly. “This is where it started.”

 A smile tugged at Ben’s cheeks. “It is, isn’t it?”

 “Yup. Sure is!”

 

A group of women were huddled together on the sidewalk, preoccupied and chatting with each other; only noticing Ben and Rey once they passed – none of them failing to make eyes at Ben as he walked by.

 

Laughing to herself with a slight shake of her head, Rey teasingly elbowed Ben in his side.

Noticing the small gesture, Ben tilted his head towards her. “What? What is it?”

“Those girls saw something they liked.” She bobbed her head backward, motioning to the women behind them.

“What?” Ben asked again as he peeked behind Rey; the girl’s quickly moving their stares away with giggles the moment his gaze reached them. “Me?” A puff of air pushed from between his lips. “No way. You’re crazy.”

“You really have no idea how attractive you are, huh? You don’t even notice the stares. You never have.”

"Now that’s the pot calling the kettle black if I’ve ever heard it.” As he placed a kiss on the top of her head, he tucked her hair behind her ear – making absolutely sure that the group of gathered women saw his action. “Besides, the only stares I care about come from the eyes tucked into your face.”

“Oh, God,” Rey laughed. “Ya know, if anyone else said something like that to me, I’d roll my eyes into the next week. But somehow, it just sounds different coming from your stupid mouth. I'll take it.” Pulling the door open, Rey bowed and held her arm out to the side. “After you, sir.”

 

Once inside, Ben looked over the heads of the people standing inside the packed bar – searching for a free table for them gravitate to. It was a busy Friday night and open mic night had kicked off. The music buzzed through speakers throughout the bar. Glasses clinking against each other paired well against the high pitched cackles and loud voices of people enjoying their night. The nostalgic smell of coffee and alcohol filtered throughout, instantly transporting Ben back to that night when everything changed.

 

“This way,” Rey tugged at Ben’s hand, suddenly taking the lead. “I want to show you something.”

 

“Hey, Ben’s here!” A voice yelled above the dull roar that had accumulated in this specific corner. Suddenly, familiar voices and faces began to pop up on every side of him. He was met with pats on the back and firm, excited handshakes. All Ben could do was smile and nod back; stunned by how many people were reaching out to him at once.

 

_“So good to see you upright.”_

_“How’s work going?”_

_“Wow, you’ve really grown up!”_

_“Seems like you’re feeling better. Glad to see it.”_

_“How long has it been? 3-4 years?”_

_“Looking good, Benjamin.”_

_“Didn’t Rey set this up beautifully?”_

 

_Rey._

As soon as her name was mentioned, he looked down at his hand; suddenly reminded of the person who brought him here. Somehow, she’d managed to slip away from him. His eyes raced maniacally, searching for any trace of her.

This massive group of people that surrounded him had gathered in his honor. Friends, co-workers, family friends he hadn’t seen in years – everyone together in one space, just for him. The number of people was hard to process, making it nearly impossible to even begin an attempt at naming them all.

 

And Rey was at the helm of it.

 

“Well, well, well. He decided to show up.” Poe placed his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “Good to see ya out and walking, bud.”

Finn followed closely behind, handing Ben a beer. “I’m surprised Rey got you here. I figured you’d find some way to get out of it.”

“Did Rey...did she do all of this?”

Ben sipped his beer while his eyes took in the small details of the setup. A few tables had been decorated with what seemed to be homemade flower arrangements; platters of bar food and snacks were placed across them. A banner that sarcastically read " _The Fucker Made It Out Alive_ " was hung up in a corner.There were even assigned waiters and waitresses asking for drink orders. It was obvious that people had been at the party for a while prior to Ben and Rey's arrival; everyone was already settled in and comfortable.

 

“Yup,” Poe instantly answered. “She’s a good piece of work...goddamn sunshine, if you ask me.”

“Hey, it wasn’t all her. I’m the lifetime friend. I helped, okay?” Finn chimed in, taking fake offense at the lack of proper credit.

“I wasn’t discrediting you. I was just saying it was her –”

“Maybe it _was_ her idea, but I helped with the execution.” Raising his arms, Finn motioned towards their immediate area. “The vision was mine!” he exclaimed dramatically.

“We know, you’re the genius. All hail Finn, the fucking queen of party planning.”

“That’s more like it.”

"The banner was my idea though, so screw you," Poe added in a final jab.

 

Ben’s attention was drawn away from their playful bickering as a path opened up between him and Rey. Her stare pierced through the empty space, demanding his attention. Rose was at her side a few seconds later; dragging a chair behind her while simultaneously trying not to spill her glass of wine that she held in her other hand. Rey climbed on top of the chair and stood up; raising her cup into the air. Rose handed her a butter knife.

 

_Tink tink tink_

 

Somehow, people heard the clinking of the glass and immediately silenced themselves. Although there had been other people inside the building outside of their own party, their corner was quiet. Everyone turned their attention towards Rey. She stood proud on her makeshift throne, ready to make a proclamation to the people.

“Thank you to everyone who decided to come out tonight. We’re all here for the same reason; to celebrate Ben and his recovery.”

 

Everyone’s gaze shot in Ben’s direction; smiles plastered across their faces. Ben felt their love as it radiated towards him. He didn’t know how to react; he wasn’t used to this. He’d never truly realized how many people cared about him until this exact moment; people from all points of his life, together in one room.

Ben nodded his head with a half smile towards everyone in appreciation; his cheeks tingling and covered in soft pink.

 

“Now, let’s let him know how thankful we are that he’s here with us today. To Ben!” Her voice trumpeted proudly over the crowd.

 _“To Ben!”_ The sea of people yelled out in unison, holding their drinks in the air. _Woo’s_ and whistles followed closely behind.

“Stay safe and drink responsibly as we enjoy the evening. Thanks again, everyone!”

 

As people dispersed, Ben quickly made his way to Rey – offering aid with getting her off the chair. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hopped into his arms. Placing her mouth against his ear, she whispered. “Surprise.” The moistness from her lips made Ben bite his bottom lip.

 

“How did you even find all of these people? How’d they find out about the accident? I haven't seen a lot of them in, shit, I don't know how long. How would they know…”

“I have my ways. And by 'my ways', I mean Finn.” She half shrugged with a wink.

 

Ben placed her back on her feet but didn’t remove his arms from around her waist. “You never cease to amaze me, you know that? I don’t deserve this. You really shouldn’t have done this.”

“Of course you do, Ben,” Worry registered on her face; the sudden realization that maybe, deep down, he actually hated these types of things slapped her in the face. “Is this not okay? Is it freaking you out?"

Ben could tell she was second-guessing herself. "What? No! Hey, no. You're fine. It's great. I just don't get why you'd do this for me, I guess."

"I wanted you to see how appreciated you are...that's all. Guess I didn't do the best job then, huh?" Rey rubbed her arm; her eyes wandered aimlessly. You could see the self-doubt on her face from a mile away. 

 

Her words weren’t meant to hurt him – the look on her face wasn't meant to hurt him – but they created a huge rock inside Ben’s chest; his lungs weighed heavy. Guilt overtook him. After everything, all Rey was worried about was making _him_ feel appreciated. That’s all she ever seemed to worry about since they’d first met; him.

 

_And what have I done for her?_

 

He thought back on how he’d treated her after the accident; how she’d spent every second by his side during his coma, and then doing everything she could for him once he woke up. How did he repay her? Treated her like shit in a pathetic attempt to cut himself off from her. Then, once he decided to finally open up to her, he closed himself back off and forced her into a weird waiting period of “are we, are we not?”

She put herself on hold for him. And at the end of it all, she’d still been there...patiently waiting.

 

Coming to terms with his past issues was a hard road to go down, but Rey had offered her hand in helping him make the journey. She deserved so much more than what he’d given her.

 

_When is it her turn to feel the appreciation? When do I step up?_

 

Even after her going through all of the trouble to put this party together, all Ben had managed to do was seem ungrateful. When really, it was the complete opposite. It wasn't the fact that he didn't enjoy the party – deep down he just didn't feel worthy of it – of any of it. He didn't feel worthy of her or anything she'd selflessly done for him. 

And due to that, all he'd done was push her away. He'd somehow managed to scare himself away from her.

 

The truth was, she was the greatest thing that had ever come into his life, and she had no fucking clue.

He'd never encountered anything or anyone as pure and bright as Rey, and it scared the shit out of him. The light within her was begging to pierce through his dark, and that terrified him.

 

Her simple statement set off a chain reaction inside Ben, finally snapping his perspective into the exact point it needed to be at. An idea slammed to the forefront of his mind.

“I know what I have to do.”

 

“Huh?” Rey looked around in confusion.

“You deserve more than what I’ve given you, Rey. I’m ready.”

“Uhh…What are you talking about?”

Ben turned his back to her, hastily slipping through the surrounding people.

 

“Wh-what? Wait, where are you going?” Calling after him, her words never landed. “Ben? Ben?! Please stay! Don’t leave!”

“What happened?” Rose appeared next to Rey, seemingly out of nowhere. She’d been in the process of walking up to them when she saw they were in deep conversation. Being nosey, she stayed far enough behind so they couldn't see her, but close enough to somewhat catch what was being said. “Did you guys get into a fight?”

“I don’t really know, honestly? One second we were joking around, and the next he starts talking nonsense.” Her pulse quickened, worried she’d upset him. Standing on her tip-toes, Rey did her best to find his mess of black hair. “Shit, what happened? Where’d he go?” 

“Up there,” Rose pointed towards the stage with a chuckle as Ben lifted an acoustic guitar strap over his shoulder. “Has he lost his mind? What is he doing?”

 

“What in the actual fuck…” Dropping her arms to her side, her hands slacked just enough for the glass she’d been holding to fall to the concrete floor beneath her. The glass shattered everywhere, instantly gathering stares and whispers. Lost in her own world, Rey didn’t flinch.

Only a couple seconds passed before a few friends gathered around her, quickly picking up the pieces of broken glass and offering her paper towels to wipe the splattered liquid from her feet and legs.

 

After Finn made his way to her, he took in the scene before him: Blank faced Rey surrounded by a spilled drink and shattered glass. “What’s going on, Rey?”

Rey didn’t speak – instead, she pointed her finger; her mouth slightly agape.

 

Following the direction of her finger, Finn finally saw what held her attention. “Well, shit. My boy’s finally stepping up. Come on, time to get a good view.” Grabbing her hand, Finn shoved through the crowd for a self-created path to the stage.

It was surprisingly difficult to get up to the front. The surrounding area of the stage had filled quite quickly. Everyone seemed to be intrigued by the man who stood in front of the microphone, cramming themselves together in any possible opening to get a glance at him. It almost seemed unfair; the buildings attention was on the one person who despised attention.

 

Rey chewed her cuticles; lost on what was happening. “What does he think he’s doing? Has he lost his mind?”

“Probably,” A small laugh escaped from Finn. “Not necessarily a bad thing, though.” 

Once they'd properly forced themselves to the side of the stage, Rey noticed some girls, not more than 21 years old, staring longingly up towards Ben – right in the front row; reminiscent of the same scene they’d encountered before entering BB’s that night.

 

He _was_ a sight to look at, that’s for sure; how could she blame them? His lusciously unkempt hair, the scattered freckles across his face, those deep pools of sweet, dark honey eyes. It wasn’t hard to make out his toned physique with the way his clothes fit him, and he towered to an unbelievable height. His fingers easily gripped around the neck of the guitar, displaying how large his hands actually were. Not to mention the rugged, mysterious scar he wore like a badge. He was a goddamn model, on display for the whole world to see.

 

But did they have to stare _that_ hard?

 

“Jealous?” Finn poked, pinching Rey’s side.  

“Jealous? No way. I saw him naked. They’ll never see him naked.” Rey said victoriously, raising her nose into the air with crossed arms.

A sharp shriek filled the silence around them. “Wait, you saw him naked? When did that –”

“Shhh!” A stranger behind them hushed as the performance was about to start.

Annoyed, Finn turned around; his eyes practically rolled into the top of his skull. “That man up there is –”

“ **SHHH!”** Another irritated audience member shushed towards Finn.

“Y’all gettin’ on my damn nerves, I hope you know that.”

* * *

 

The stage lights lowered as Ben inhaled deeply. He looked out towards the crowd but lowered his head almost instantly – afraid if he met eyes with Rey, he’d lose his nerve. The mic in front of him squealed with feedback as the audio technician turned the sound on with a thumbs up, motioning to Ben he could start whenever.

 

_It’s now or never, I guess. Time to nut up._

 

“Uh, hey, hello...hi.”

The crowd met him with stares and silence. He felt his knees begin to shake and feared they’d suddenly be unable to hold his body weight.

 

“Uhm, okay. Yeah, my names Ben. Am I supposed to do introductions? I’m not sure how this works –”

_What am I doing? This isn’t a fucking meeting. Get to it, idiot._

Swallowing hard, his jaw clenched with a twitch. “This is for someone who deserves a lot more than what I’ve given them.”

 

Soft coo’s and awe’s escaped from the collective crowd.

Excitedly hitting Rey’s shoulder, Finn whispered loudly. “That’s you, bitch! That’s you!”

 

With one final deep breath, Ben began to strum the strings of the guitar; his voice melted into the notes flawlessly. Rey recognized the melody; sifting through her brain to try and figure out where she knew it from.

Then it hit her; she was immediately brought back to Ben’s couch – specifically, the day he revealed his past to her. She’d come in from dinner with Rose and had been met with the silk of his voice.

_That’s it. It’s the song from that day. How...how long has he been working on this? He made this for me?_

 

The way his fingers glided from chord to chord made Rey’s insides flutter. His hands were so gentle, moving easily to create the beautiful music that filled the building. The shaking voice he’d started with was now tender and sure of itself. He was magnetic – it was impossible to take your eyes off of him. 

Her eyes welled up as she watched him pour his entire soul out on that stage; his words pleading for her to understand. A piece of his heart came out a little bit more with every syllable he sang. She closed her eyes and let herself be taken away by the words.

 

* * *

 

_Life somewhere far away, no mistakin’; it could be you._

_I think it everyday, if we’re the same; if that could be true._

_We could be on the floor, on our backs screaming “more!”_

 

_I know you want me, but I’ve come close enough for now._

_Oh God, you haunt me._

_I’m scared you’ll leave me in the ground._

 

_Bless me with just one kiss before you leave me here with my heart._

_Tell me you want me home, on the phone – tear me apart._

_Could we be something more?_

_All that I’m hoping for?_

 

_I know you want me, but I’ve come close enough for now._

_Oh God, you haunt me._

_I’m scared you’ll leave me in the ground._

_I’m scared you’ll leave me in the ground._

_I’m scared you’ll leave me in the ground._

_I’m scared you’ll leave me in the ground._

 

* * *

 

As the song came to an end, the crowd was silent – unable to process the raw performance they’d just witnessed. Mere seconds passed before the stillness was replaced with thunderous applause.

Ben didn’t say anything as he placed the guitar up against the back wall; refusing to acknowledge the praise he was receiving. 

He exited the stage on the opposite side that Rey had been on, completely unaware that she’d heard the whole thing.

 

Still in shock, Rey raised her hands to her mouth; tears streaming down her cheeks. She’d never seen anything so hauntingly beautiful; she’d never seen someone so delicate yet full of darkness at the same time.

“Go,” Finn gently nudged her, bringing her back to reality. “Knowing him, he’s probably about to have a whole freak out. Go to him, girl.”

 

Rey didn’t care who she had to push out of her way; Ben was her destination, and she wanted to reach him as fast as she could. She’d had no issue keeping track of where he was once she’d singled him out; he was so tall that she could easily see his head poking out above the waves of everyone else had created.

 

People had swarmed him and somehow, he’d gotten cornered by a few girls. Though his head nodded as they spoke, his attention was already preoccupied– scanning through the people for the only person he truly wanted to see. He didn’t have the slightest interest in what they were saying. All he cared about was finding –

 

Then, it happened – their eyes met.

 

Ben put his fingertips on the shoulders of the two girls blocking his way, gently pushing them apart to make his way in between them. “Uh, it’s been great talking to you but if it's alright I'll just…yeah, sorry about that, thank you...sneak by ya.”

 

The surrounding people disappeared as they approached each other. The noise faded down around them as they entered a universe only meant for the two of them.

Ben could see the tip of Rey’s nose was rosy and her eyes were glossy; lines of mascara had dripped under her eyes. Neither said anything once they met. They stood a foot or so apart as Ben watched another tear slip down her cheek quietly.

Watching Rey cry created the most gut-wrenching pain he’d ever experienced. Ben grabbed her hand and pulled her close to him. Instinctively, Rey laid her head on his chest. She could hear his heart beating against his chest, practically screaming to be let out.

_This is it, Ben. This is the moment._

 

Ben wrapped his arms tightly around Rey and placed his chin on the top of her hair. “Rey, I...I can’t risk losing you. I was stupid for being so hesitant before. So fucking stupid.” He kissed the top of her head once more. “You deserve better than that from me. I’m sorry.”

“Your song. You’re scared, and I get it. There’s nothing wrong with being hesitant, Ben.”

“There is when you’ve taken it to the degree I have. Not only risking drowning out the most brilliant light you’ve ever seen, but also hurting that person the light radiates from at the same time. I can’t let my bullshit past affect my future. It’s time to let the past go – to let it die.”

 

As Rey fell silent again, he felt her nod in understanding against his chest. Ben could have stopped there, but he needed to finish this.

“You're right, I **_am_** scared of you leaving. It’s the biggest worry I hold onto.”

 

Tilting her head back, Rey’s eyes shined up towards him; the string lights that hung across the ceiling reflecting gold back at him through the mixture of hazel in her irises.  

 _The type of eyes people write stories about_ – a thought that replayed through Ben’s mind often whenever she looked at him with that specific look. He knew, without a doubt, that this was the moment he’d been working up towards.

 

“But I’m more scared of never having the chance to be with you at all. I want to be yours, Rey. I want you to be mine. I want there to be ‘us’. I want to take the fucking chance.”

 

Before he knew it, Rey grabbed his face and tugged it down to hers; their lips meeting with more passion than either one of them had experienced throughout their whole lives up until that point.

No more reservations – no more holding back.

Slightly pulling away, Rey spoke into Ben’s mouth. “I forgot exactly what the question was, but I accept.”

 

Their tongues met for another second before Rey disrupted their rhythm and withheld another kiss from him. “Just letting you know, in case the kiss wasn’t a clear enough acceptance.”

 

His mouth curved into a smile so wide that his dimples proudly pulled in. “Yeah, I think I got it. Thanks for the clarification.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Any feedback is appreciated. :)
> 
> Comments or questions?  
> I'm on twitter - @theriseofbensky


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